Not-So-Funny Friday: Mothers Judging Mothers

Normally on Friday’s I try to share a humorous post about my little monkey, shaming her future self by publishing stories about her public nose-picking for the whole wide web to see. But today is different.

I read an article that prompted me to leave a comment…which was of novel proportions. So I figured I should share it here.

The world of motherhood is a strange and amazing place. It is true what they say about feeling like you are part of a club once you have produced human life. However, that club has it’s own set of rules and justice, complete with mock trials via the internet.

The article, published on Today’s Parent, about how Canadian journalist, Rebecca Eckler left her baby to go on vacation. The article had a theme that struck a cord with me:

Isn’t it time that mothers stop judging one another?

It was a well written piece outlining the amount of controversy and opinionated attacks that can be spawned amongst moms over these types of topics.

Here was my lengthy response:

Surprisingly, there is no stronger judgement passed than in the world of mothers. It is a crazy contrast to the nurturing and supportive nature that we show each other 75% of the time.

Each parent has the right to make decisions for their family (provided of course their legal and not harming anyone) and to the freedom of not being judged as a result.

We live in a society where the anonymity of the internet feeds to very opinionated bravery. I worry for our children in the future, when they google our names, and see just how blatantly the mothers of this generation have attacked one another on a mass and open forum.

For the record, there is no way I could have gone away when my little lady was only 10 weeks old. I would have been an utter mess, racking up a $5,000 phone bill calling home every 15 minutes. However, I did go back in to volunteer in my office a few hours a week by the time she was 6 weeks, so who am I to judge? My husband did go away for a week to Cuba when she was only 19 weeks old, and I survived. Barely ;)

To each their own. Every mother, every child & every family is different. It is easy to pass judgement and spit out harsh words from behind a computer screen, but there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Period.

Ideally speaking, people would realize that we all live in glass houses, and that no one has clean windows.

Comments

  1. says

    I read your comment and read Rebecca Eckler’s article and wrote about my POV.

    http://peskypippi.com/2012/08/26/mother-sucker/

    I totally agree with you. Why do mothers pass so much judgment on other mothers? No one is perfect and I admit I have so many imperfections, you can sew a quilt out of them!

    Yet, my thoughts about this is more about the trend of Mommy/Mummy bloggers who proclaim themselves as terrible mothers and get kudos for it. I see it as a cultural norm and it kinda makes me sick.

    • says

      Thanks for the comment Pippi! I know I answered you on twitter, but thought I should post my agreement here too :)

      There is a fine balance between finding humour in our errors as parents and being proud of our mistakes. As a mom blogger, I definitely like to poke fun at myself & share hilarious things my little lady does, but I would never go so far as to say I am proud of the mistakes I or she makes in our mother/daughter relationship. When you can look back on something and laugh, it’s great. But you have to also look back knowing you learned something.

      I am sure that most of the mom bloggers who boast about being bad parents, really are good intentioned parents who are just trying to be funny. Personally it is just not the approach I would want to take. I know my daughter will read this one day…it was created for her. Everything I say has that in mind.

  2. says

    I have been in the “mommy trenches” for 13 years now and I’m always amazed at how judgement can fly around, but I’m also amazed at my own reactions to some of these stories. I confess to sometimes casting judgement at some of these mom’s who put their life out there and then are surprised when people have something to say about it. As a mommy blogger I totally get the desire to write about life as mom, the good, the bad and the ugly about motherhood. But I think we have to do it with the idea that others are going to cast judgement. We are all looking for what makes a good mom. Does a good mom stay home? Go to work? Stay with her child 24 hours a day? Make sure she keeps up her own life? It is tough. You are right, it would be a bit easier if we supported each other instead of cast judgement. Thanks so much for letting us share this post with our Bonbon Break readers!

  3. says

    Excellent response form you and great point. My youngest is 17 and I’ve been on-and-off-line since he was 1. It took a while, but I finally learned the best comment I can leave when I see something I disagree with STRONGLY, is to hit the exit button. If flame wars then ensue, my concious is clear. *grin*

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