Things you learn in your first year of motherhood.

Well it’s official. I survived my first year of motherhood and the child is still alive! Score one for me :)

There are many quirky things you learn when you become a parent. I thought I would share a few of my personal favorites.

No matter what the commercials say, diapers DO NOT hold everything. You will learn this lesson hard. For instance, while on the first day trip to see family and you precious little one destroys two full diapers. All you are left with is a receiving blanket to wrap around her because every other piece of clothing you brought (which is never enough) is covered in shit. Good times.

Did you know you have zombie like abilities? You do! They come out in the middle of the night when you can wake up, take a baby out of the bassinet, change a diaper, nurse, burp (the baby, not the husband), wrap a baby in a blanket, then go back to sleep….all having barely opened your eyes! It’s incredible!

You can do much more with just one hand then you ever imagined. You can whip up and eat an entire meal, do complete loads of laundry and prepare a baby bottle, all with only one arm free.

No one tells you this, but baby’s have superhuman hearing. I kid you not. If you so much as tap your ring finger on the wall on your way out, that sound asleep baby is wide awake and screaming! As a new mom, you will develop ninja like skills for escaping out of the nursery unheard after the 3rd middle of the night crib visit.

Your house has a strange, outer dimensional type of abyss that sucks in various parts of toys. You could hunt for missing pieces until you’re 80 and you will never find them. Some speculate that the couch eats these poor unfortunate toys. This is the leading theory.

Your husband thinks you have god-like abilities. He may have never shown it before, but when you can simply look at the baby and fix what ever is wrong, your husband will look at you like you are the most amazing women he’s ever know. You are :)

Once your baby begins to crawl, they are NEVER quiet. Don’t kid yourself. Don’t think, ‘oh she’s just playing with her toys peacefully.’ Bullshit. She is hidden beside the couch, taking apart the remote control that she swiped off the couch using her stealthy baby moves. They are NEVER quiet without reason.

Lilly on her 1st birthday!!! And yes, this was taken right after I had to stop her from going into that diaper pail behind her….never quiet!

Now, you also learn that no matter how bad a night goes, that first thing in the morning smile is the best thing you have ever seen.

You realize that you will go to any length, even making a complete ass of yourself, to make that baby laugh because it is the greatest sound in the world.

You’ll wonder about how many kisses you plant on her in one day alone. You can’t even help it. Don’t try keeping track, it’s impossible.

You will honestly believe there is not a baby in the world more beautiful than yours. I’m sure your little one is adorable, but mine is cuter. Sorry.

Even the smallest things are HUGE milestones to you. The first time she smiles, holds your finger, holds her head up, sleeps in her crib all night, grabs a toy, sits up alone, eats solid foods, crawls, waves, stands up, blows kisses, GIVES kisses (big one!), says ‘Hi Daa’ or ‘Mumma’, etc, etc, etc. Each one feels like the greatest day and it only gets better from here.

Lastly, you learn that time goes by so quickly. One minute you are pacing your bedroom with braxton hicks waiting for this little miracle to join you, and the next thing you know you are putting together goodie bags for her 1st birthday party. Try to just take in as much of it as you can.

Ok. Now I’ll just wipe away this little tear and focus on how much fun tomorrow will be! Chocolate covered face pictures will be posted!

Ideally, babies would just stay precious and little forever…oh,but they would be potty-trained ;)

PS. Feel free to post some of the funnier lessons you’ve learned in your role as Super Mama. I’d love to hear them!
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  1. says

    Happy first birthday Lilly! And congrats on surviving that first year, Crystal!

    (pacifiers disappear. Only to regroup when you finally break down and buy a couple more at which point they start to reappear without explanation.. like they’ve been away on a trip)

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