– Read all Talking With My Toddler posts here. –

But right around that time, we went from one kid to two and I quickly understood why moms lower their output expectations once they are outnumbered.

Here’s the thing though. I now feel terrible I haven’t blogged as much of Cole’s life as I did Lilly’s. I know it’s normal. Kind of like completing a baby book, or getting the nursery decorated before their first birthday. The odds of completion drastically decrease with each kid.

Well, it’s time I give this little guy his portion of the spotlight!

Cole had initially been slower to talk, but we have seen huge improvement in the last 8 months. He has always been very talkative and clearly had a great vocabulary, but no one could understand him except me. He officially started speech therapy last summer, which we opted to move forward with, since he still struggles with pronunciation. Plus, everyone told me it’s better to be proactive. I’d rather be working ahead on developing his speech now, than risk him struggling when he starts school.

Fast forward to now and he is mostly understood by many people around him. He occasionally still needs his Cole-to-English translator (me), but he can hold his own quite well. It’s been incredible to see his funny personality come alive.

I foresee many, many humorous additions in this round of Talking With My Toddler. For starters, I think he works the word penis into at least one conversation per day. More on that in the future

For this edition, I thought I would start off sweet. For out of all the things Cole has learned to say, this one is the most important. Last week, he and I had a little conversation in the car on our way back from speech therapy.

I mean, it is really hard to kick him out of bed when he’s this damn cute.

Prior info needed – Since December, I can almost count on one hand the number of times he has slept in his own bed all night. We thought it started as teething, then it was a cold, then more teeth and now? Well, who the hell knows. Either way, he starts off in his bed and winds up in ours hours later. So I decided to ask him why.

Me: “Hey, listen bubba, I wanted to ask you a question.”

Cole: “A keston?”

Me: “Yes, a question. Where are you supposed to sleep at night?”

Cole: “In my liten queen big boy bed” (Translation – Lightening McQueen bed, because we’re kick ass parents.)

Me: “That’s right. In your big boy bed. So bub, why have you been crawling into bed with mom and dad?”

Cole: (being sure to lock eyes with me in the rear view mirror to really drive home the melt…) “Because I miss mommy and daddy. I wuv mommy and daddy.”

He said this last line with such a sweet, sincere and almost sad tone. Tears immediately hit my eyes and I had to hold them back so I didn’t really upset him. Cole has said “I love you” in response to having it said to him, but this was the very first time he had said it on his own initiative and he used the right context.

Me: “Oh baby. We love you too. I love you so much.”

Cole: “I wuv you too much!” (his typical excited response to that statement)

With this conversation, he effectively melted away whatever parenting concerns I had about him crawling into bed with us. Once I repeated the chat to Adam, it did the same for him. I know the issue of independence and co sleeping can divide parents into one of two camps, but frankly, I don’t care. At this point, we are neither for or against it. Our toddler wants to cuddle for the last half of the night because he loves us. That’s all the information we need.

That being said, ideally speaking, he will grow out of his before he’s 18, or it might be a bit awkward. 

The post Talking With My Toddler. Round 2. #1. Learning the language of love. appeared first on Ideally speaking....

Halfway through a great hike with my hubby a Blue Mountain last month.

Disclaimer: I was compensated for this post through my relationship with the YMCA Simcoe Muskoka. However, as always, the thoughts and opinions are my own.

I have never, in my entire life, been a natural athlete. I was the kid who begged my parents to let me stay home with my books when my brothers wanted to go tobogganing or skating. However, as I entered my early 20s, I developed a love of fitness. I got a gym membership, and I started working out regularly with the equipment and with fitness classes.

At age 23, I used to wake up at 5:30 each day, drive nearly an hour for a workout at the Barrie YMCA and then head to work. Sometimes I would even join an evening class before heading home to Penetang.

Then I had kids…

After Lilly, I got back into the swing of fitness fairly easily. I was back at the gym, through the YMCA in Midland, when she was five weeks old and went typically 2-3 times per week for a few years.

Then we had Cole…

Between two young children, a busy career, a 50-minute commute and university, time to workout just hasn’t felt possible. Sure, I’ve run on a treadmill in the basement a few times, but it more often gets used for laundry.

I’m now at a point in my life where I have to shelve the excuses and get back to making fitness a priority in my lifestyle.

A few months ago I had a health scare. While it turned out to be mostly a false alarm, it served as a wake-up call. Also, having lost my mother from a heart attack last year at only 59 years old increases the chances that I could suffer from heart diseases and disorders. I want to ensure that I live a strong, healthy, and long life for my family and I understand fitness needs play a key part in that.

To kick-start this change, I headed over to the Barrie YMCA to have a chat with their Membership Supervisor, Tracey, over Facebook Live:

This decision is not mine alone. Adam and I have come to realize that raising active and healthy children requires us to lead by example. We need to become an active, healthy family. We want this initiative to be something we develop an experience as a family. I think that will be the easy part, seeing as though our children already have a membership to the YMCA… But we don’t. Mom and dad need to play a little bit of catch-up so that our children see we are just as active as they are.

I have mentioned the YMCA throughout this post a few times. It might seem like I’m a little bit biased, and sure I am writing a sponsored post for them. However, I have had memberships to and participated in various gyms over my adult life, and I always come back to the Y. Living in a small community, we don’t have many of the other chain fitness centres located in bigger cities, but the Y is such a constant even in small towns like the one I grew up in and the one I live in now. Whether it’s their childcare programs (which we also use), summer camps, or fitness centres, they are deeply engrained in many communities across Canada.

This family focussed flexibility is something that I value, and that works well for our children and us.

I love the fact that a family membership not only saves us money but allows all of us to have memberships and participate in various programs. For instance, I can drop Lilly off at Y Kids on a Saturday morning and then head upstairs to the gym for a workout. On Sunday afternoon, we can all ahead in together for Family Swim. My hope is that our children find inspiration to lead healthy lifestyles by seeing Adam, and I prioritize fitness and participate in fitness-based activities with them. It’s also incredibly helpful to know I can spend time at the gym with Adam and the kids on the weekend in Midland and yet still use the Barrie centre if I want to workout during my lunch hour at work.

Join the YMCA Now

To help other families and individuals take advantage of all the YMCA has to offer, the organization has currently waived all join fees in September and October. This adds a savings of over $84 when signing up for your membership.

Learn more about the YMCA Simcoe Muskoka! 

Ideally speaking, I hope to be writing a bit about my journey back into fitness and to share with you the many ways in which our family is getting active in the future. What does your family do to stay active? Share below!

The post Refreshing my Love for Fitness with the Barrie YMCA appeared first on Ideally speaking....

Most often, I look at him and still see the 18-year-old boy who won my heart in grade 12.

I can remember the first kiss, which technically took place before we were actually dating.

I can remember our first official date. He can’t, because it was his 19th birthday and he was hammered.

I can remember the day he proposed when his hands were shaking and he dropped the ring down the side of the car console. He stopped his proposal speech mid-sentence to utter some four letter words and fish the ring back out from under the front seat of his old Sunfire.

Most of all, I remember the look on his face as I walked down the aisle towards him.

That smile, though.

The last 10 years have brought so much into our lives. We have two beautiful children and a house that feels like a home. We both work hard, but put our family first. We take time for one another. Even if it just with something little. We are playful, loving, and so very open-hearted. I know we always will be.

Our beautiful little family.

Adam and I are solid. Even in harder times, I have always felt confident in us as a couple. However, the reality is that many people in our generation don’t see 10 years of marriage. That statistic breaks my heart. So I wanted to celebrate and reaffirm us by renewing our vows.

We didn’t have nor did we need some big party. It was the two of us, our children and our best man, with his family, as our officiant.

It was perfect. 

Renewing our vows in our best man’s backyard.

Adam was a little nervous when I told him I wanted us to actually write our own vows this time. I bugged him almost every night for the week leading up to see if he was done. To my surprise, he said yes… the night before. I thought for sure he would be winging it!

He picked on me for mine being much longer than his… but that’s what he gets for marrying a highly sappy writer.

I wanted to share our vows here, as a way of commemorating them and reaffirming to the world our commitment to one another.

————————————————-

Adam’s Vows:

Crystal, as we stand here today, I think back to all the wonderful memories we have shared.

You have given me two of the most beautiful children. You have no idea how thankful I am for them being in my life each and every day.

You have been more than I could have imagined to come into my life.

You are strong, dedicated, caring and compassionate. I admire these traits and I love you dearly for them.

These 10 years have been a roller coaster of events and I can’t imagine anyone better to have at my side.

Crystal. I love you so much. Please let me share the rest of my life with you.

My Vows:

When we were first married, I used to watch the clock and get excited when it was almost time for you to be home from work. I remember thinking, I hope this feeling lasts a few years at least. We’re now at 10 years in and I still get excited when it’s close to your time to be home. Albeit, part of that might be because I’m happy to be able to tag you into the parenting ring, but a big part of it is that I still just can’t wait to see you. I’m still excited to see that boy I crushed on for ages. The one who stole a first kiss behind the town library and swore he would stay with me until the last petal fell from a ceramic flower.

We’ve been together nearly 15 years and have now been married for a decade. In that time, I have watched you grow into an incredible man, who works hard for his family and loves the heck out of his children. You were the best choice I ever made and you make me proud every day. As we stand here today, I want to make a few new promises for the years ahead.

I promise to continue to be proud of all of your accomplishments, big or small and of the kind of man you are.

I promise to be your equal partner as we continue to grow our lives, raise our children and plan for our future.

I promise to support you through tough days at work and to listen whenever you need to talk.

I promise to continue to give you and only you my heart, my soul and my body. Well, actually, you now share my heart with the kids.

And finally, I promise to always be excited for you to come home to us.

————————————————-

We used the ceremony to exchange anniversary rings. Adam proposed 12 years ago with an $80 ring from the flea market. I told him to. We had bigger things to purchase at the time, like a home So he promised to buy me a real diamond for our 10th anniversary. Mine is a beautiful 1.25 carat raw diamond. His is a family ring that reads ‘Adam Crys Lilly Cole. You make our family whole.’ I’ve never been huge on jewellery, but I’m in love with this little raw stone.

Our anniversary rings, with Colton holding our hands together <3

Ideally speaking, this is just one decade in the many we will spend together. Here’s to us, babe. I love you so incredily much.

The post One Decade Down – Our Vow Renewal. appeared first on Ideally speaking....

Dear Coffee,

Look, we need to talk. No, seriously, please put away the delicious smell of my favourite Starbucks Caramel k-cup. It’s time for us to to be honest with one another.

I’m going to get straight to the point. It’s time for us to be done.

I know, I know. This is shocking for you. And me. And literally every single person who knows me and my severe addiction to your smooth, warm, inviting energy kick. But it’s true.

Please, don’t be upset. It’s not you, it’s… Well, actually, it is you. But let me explain.

I’ve recently had a few concerns, which have left me questioning many aspects of my current lifestyle. Something is up with either my brain or my heart, and I may or may not have recently had a stroke. As if that’s not enough, since losing Mom last summer, I’ve been battling depression again and haven’t been sleeping properly as a result. Also between work, university and life in general, I have had more than my fair share of stress these days. Heavy stuff, right? You can understand why I need to take a long hard look at the young lady in the mirror.

The thing is, between you and whiskey, I drink too much chemical altering liquids. And let’s be honest here if it’s a choice between the two of you, we all know I’m not giving up whiskey.

I mean, look how great this collection is getting! Not to mention my pretty new DIY dry bar…

Yes, this is an old TV. Gutted and painted. I love it.

But I digress. I feel I have become far too reliant on you, and I’m not quite sure how we got here. I used to be a tea drinker and a snobby one at that. To be honest, and this might hurt to hear, but I’ve never actually like the taste of coffee. There. I said it.

So how did I become so utterly dependent on you? It all started about a dozen years ago, in college, when you and I were simply mere acquaintances. I handful of looming deadlines and all-nighters, and you and I got to know each other real quick. What started out as the odd couple here and there, evolved into 3 to 4 cups per day over the last several years.

I convinced myself I needed you. After all, I was busy career woman working tirelessly to launch a new company. I thought I was exhausted in those years. Then I had kids. It turns out I had no fucking idea what exhausted was. I somehow became one of those people who desperately had to make my morning coffee before I even hit the bathroom. By the time I got the kids out the door and finished my morning commute to the office, I believed I needed another. Then, as I found myself sleepy-eyed in the early afternoon, I would make one or two more.

There were days when I’m sure I had consumed more than 40 ounces of your warm, sleep altering drug. That just can’t be ok.

Dammit, Coffee. I said put down the caramel k-cup! You’re not playing fair.

Listen, I know you’re thinking. You think I can’t do this. You think I’ll come crawling back to you. But here’s the thing. As of today, I have gone one month without you. That’s right; it has been four full weeks since I’ve had a cup of coffee.

I got a tell ya, coffee, I feel pretty damn good. I am sleeping better than I have in years. I feel much more alert during the day. In fact, I have so much energy I almost feel superhuman. It’s a bit ironic given that I only embraced this relationship with you to give me an energy boost. Now I find myself far more energetic since our abrupt breakup.

I have gone back to my snobby, loose leaf tea drinking ways. My cupboard is now filled with deliciously fragrant varieties. I even found a Caramel Rooibos. So you can give up the caramel k cup already, you’re never going to break me.

If it makes you feel any better, some of the tea I drink does contain your heart and soul, caffeine. See, I haven’t left you completely. I have just moved onto your incredibly less caffeinated cousin.

That probably doesn’t make you feel any better.

But it not about making you feel better. Ideally, it’s about making me feel better. And I do. Impressively so.

The post My breakup letter to coffee. appeared first on Ideally speaking....

.

About two and a half years ago, I had some scary symptoms while 30 weeks pregnant with my son. Various doctors tossed around the word stroke and had discussed the idea of taking him early. They put me on blood thinners, and the symptoms seemed to subside. Cole was born at 38 weeks, perfectly healthy. I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong.

About a month ago, I started noticing some sporadic blurriness in my eyes. I chalked it up to light sensitivity. However, a little over two weeks ago, I had an episode of blurred vision, disorientation, and numbness in my left arm. This incident was the worst it had been yet since the symptoms have reappeared and was eerily familiar to what I had gone through during my pregnancy with Cole. I wound up spending that entire Tuesday at emerge, with the team there running blood tests and CT scans.

In the weeks that have followed I have been back for various tests, more blood work, and to meet with a couple of different specialists. I’m still waiting for an MRI to be booked, which supposedly will tell us more than the CT scans did.

While we still have no definitive answers, I do know from two separate doctors, one of which is a stroke specialist, that I have a pronator drift with my left arm. Do you know what a pronator drift is? I didn’t either two weeks ago. I kind of wish I was still blissfully ignorant. Don’t Google it. You’ll spend all night doing the test on yourself and building your paranoia. Trust me.

A pronator drift is almost always a sign of at least a minor stroke, or can be due to a neurological disorder. Honestly, those are pretty shitty choices.

Now, I’m not a doctor, and stroke specialist did say that I still may just be suffering from a variant of migraines. Until the MRI is complete and follow-ups have been done I’m playing the wait-and-see game. Complete with a mild blood thinner, to control my symptoms and as a precaution to prevent a stroke.

I’m 32 years old.

I truly didn’t think I would be dealing with this kind of shit. Not yet. Sure, in looking at our family history, it’s a bit of a crapshoot as far as genetics are concerned. Both sides are riddled with some mixture of heart issues, cancers, diabetes, etc.

Me and Mama, June 2015

The nurse at the stroke clinic laid it all out for me. Having a first-degree family member suffer from heart issues or heart disease can increase my chances of developing heart disease. Those chances are further increased if the relative is a male under the age of 55 or female under the age of 65. That’s when I informed her that my mother suffered a minor stroke at 52 and died of a heart attack, just last summer, at 59.

So those are my odds.

I don’t love them, but I can do something about them. I need to stop taking my life for granted and take better care of myself. Now. If not for me, than for my children. It might be a depressing thought to have in my early 30s, but I desperately want to live past 70 and tear up the dance floor with my grandkids at their weddings.

It has been nearly a year since Mom passed and I can’t help thinking about everything she has already missed. She has a beautiful new granddaughter and a fourth grandson due in less than a month. She has missed my younger brother achieving a goal in his life. She will never hear my daughter read her a book. She will never get to play cars with my son.

Selfishly, I am heartbroken that she is not here for what I am going through now. I have shed more tears in the last week, purely out of fear mixed with the anguish that I cannot call her. Every kid, no matter how old, wants their mom when they are sick. I am terrified and I want to call my Mom so she can calm me down. But I can’t, so she can’t.

I don’t want to follow in her footsteps.

Not when it comes to this. It’s time to be completely honest with myself. I need to stop talking about living a healthier lifestyle and actually do it.

I need to be more conscience of what I put into my body. To eat take-out less and fresh food much more. To cut out coffee and drink less whiskey (*tear*). To drink more water and become smarter about my food choices and how they impact my body.

I need to put exercise back into my schedule. At one point I was really into fitness, but I let it go with the busyness of life. I need to find the time to walk, jog, swim and do yoga, on a much more consistent and frequent basis. I need to feel strong again.

I need to reduce the level of stress in my life. I’m a working mom of two, with an incredibly busy career, a university degree in progress, a bit of freelance work on the side, a novel in the works and a passion for community involvement. I’m exhausted just typing that list. I need to realize that I don’t have to work every night at 9:30 pm. Some nights it’s ok to say no and leave the office for the office. It’s also ok to say no to extra projects or slow down my schooling to a pace that fits my life. Guaranteed, this will be my greatest hurdle, but ultimately one that will have a huge impact.

I need to do more of the things that make me happy. I need to find more time to write for me; to work on my novel, write long-winded editorial pieces and spill my guts with poetry. I need to read more books again, catch more movies with my girlfriends, and spend more time with my family. I need to focus little less on making a living, and a little more on living. Period.

I need to sleep more. God, I need to sleep more. I can’t stress this one enough. I’ve always been a nighthawk, and so was my mother. I need to work on breaking more than 20 years worth of a bad habit because this is one of the few traits of hers I don’t want to embody anymore. I need to crawl into bed before 11 PM, put down the damn phone, and close my eyes.

I understand that this isn’t going to be easy, and none of it will happen overnight. It will take a great deal of commitment and self-initiative. However, I need to focus on being the healthiest and happiest I can. For me and for my family. My kids motivate me more than anything, to live as long as possible and have a great life. I simply need to harness that motivation.

Here’s to me and my future heart. Ideally speaking, I will be looking back on this post 50 years from now and patting myself on the back. With my cane, of course.

The post Because I want to dance with my grandkids on their wedding day. appeared first on Ideally speaking....

December kicked my ass. I didn’t talk about it much of the time because it supposed to be a joyous time of year. Mom loved Christmas. It was her absolute favourite holiday. I’m one of those Christmas nerd types that has hundreds of Christmas songs on a playlist, just waiting for December to come around so I have an excuse to play it. I didn’t expect that my beloved holiday tunes would bring about such an emotional reaction. The truth is, I would break down into tears almost every single day on my way to and from the office in December.

Christmas without her was hard, and then my birthday followed three weeks later. It has been a lot to recuperate from and is been part of the reason I took a bit of a break on here. But I didn’t take a break from writing. In fact, just as I always have in my life, I filtered my emotion down into more writing.

Every once in a while I go through phases where my writer soul threatens to consume me. It almost always happens when I’m dealing with depression. While it can make for some productive creativity, it can also be a bit of a dangerous venture. There’ve been many nights in the last three months where I find myself pacing the living room, sipping whiskey at 1 AM, writing poetry like some sort of tortured soul. My writing has always been like this. When it comes, it comes hard, and if I don’t get it out it will haunt me. My grief over mom was a catalyst back into depression and therefore into writing.

Which leads me to this. The first poem I have finished in probably over two years. I wrote this for her. For my mama.

I wanted to share it today, on what would’ve been her 60th birthday.

I love you, Mama.

—————————————————————–

Crippling

Mama and I when I was around 2.

I still cripple
with thoughts of you.
My breath catches
my body heaves
and I never expect it.

Sometimes it is the soft light,
pushing through the clouds,
lighting a path home.
Not my home. Not yet.
You are keeping my seat warm.
I bask in the beauty;
only a moment or two, and I am hit.
Pain replaces comfort,
running through me with force.
Sobs racking my fragile frame.
And I cripple.

Me and Mama, June 2015

Sometimes I willingly bait it.
Getting lost in your words;
Rediscovered on pages long forgotten.
Blanketing myself in old letters,
I hear your voice.
Or with the whiff of red door,
Fooling my senses into believing;
you are here, you are near.
Memories crash over me.
Bruising my soul and breaking my heart.
And I cripple.

Sometimes others drive the impact.
A kind soul asking in earnest,
“How are you?”
My small child making a declaration,
of her own heartbreak.
Their words stir in me.
Inviting an unwelcomed reminder;
you are not here, you are nowhere near.
My fingers long to call you.
My head aches for your shoulder.
And I cripple.
I still cripple.

The post Handling grief and a poem for my Mama. appeared first on Ideally speaking....

We met at Lowville Park. It was nice and central to where we were staying that weekend and is a beautiful space with so much to see and do. Little did Veronika know when she picked the location, this park also holds a special place in my heart. This is where my older brother and I went to summer day camp, where I had my first overnight camp and where my Dad would often stop for a break when driving us back up to Mom’s after our weekends with him. My family growing up has spent lots of time at Lowville Park and now my own family has made memories there as well.

Veronika has always had an amazing eye. When we were in college, she took some of the most beautiful photos I had ever seen. She also knows me incredibly well, so I knew she would instinctively capture my family in our most pure and honest form.

The results makes me heart melt. These photos display our family smiling, goofing off and chasing after our sometimes (most of the time) uncooperative little man. I couldn’t have asked for more beautiful images.

Without further ado, our 2015 family photoshoot.

The money shot. This will be the one for on top of the mantel :)

Cole wasn’t in the best of moods. It had been raining, was a bit cold and we had ripped him off of a very appealing playground at this park. Thank goodness Veronika had brought some props. This pumpkin was a mood changer for our little guy.

“Real question here mom, I can eat this right?”

Daddy’s Girl.

She sure loves her Daddy.

Veronika had wanted to take a few shots of us laying on a blanket. Given Cole’s track record for cooperation, I wasn’t sure this was going to work.

Of course Lilly and Adam had some great shots.

And we did manage to get one of all 4 of us, smiling together…

…but really this is a FAR more accurate photo to describe our family. NOTE: Cole wandering around in the background…

Little man leading the charge, like always.

He’s getting so big!

Our beautiful little lady.

“I’ll race you Mama!”

Partners in crime. Always.

Our little family.

Kids? What kids? Getting some lovin from my man We have a 2012 version of this photo too with us and Lilly.

Our beautiful boy.

Mama’s Boy.

Oh the pumpkin! Oh the wind! Oh the hair!

“Let’s take one with me and fall stuff!”

Just the girls :)

Lastly, I asked Veronika to shoot a specific pose of Lilly and I. There was a photo of my Mama and I in my mind and I wanted to recreate it. I can’t help the tears that flow every time I look at this comparison. Once again, I wish they had internet in heaven, so Mama could see this too.

Like Mama, like daughter. Miss you Mama <3

A big massive thank you again to my dear friend, Veronika. Words can’t fully articulate how much I love these photos.

Ideally speaking, we will always find the time, once every year or so, to take a few moments and capture our family in a way completely and fully us.

The post This is my sunshine. Our 2015 family photoshoot. appeared first on Ideally speaking....

That was back in 2012. Now, as I get ready to head out to my 4th Blissdom in just a few weeks, I know I’ll be walking in with a totally different feeling. I’ll be walking in excited to reconnect with some of my closest friends. People who I know will be just as excited to see me.

Although we only see each other once or twice a year, we will act like close friends who see each other all the time. We will talk a mile a minute. We will stuff our face shamelessly with candy and snacks. We will laugh so hard we snort. We will dance like complete idiots. We will stay up way too late. We will do it all over again the next day. And we will love every minute of it.

Me, pregnant and leading the conga line at Blissdom 2013 (Photo credit – Ann Epp Photography)

At Blissdom I found my people. I became part of the community that is so accepting and supportive. They are passionate, honest and speak from the heart. They use words on a page to share their voice with the world, just like me. Many of us are creative, energetic and maybe just a little bit awkward, but with each other we find a new level of comfort and familiarity.

80s & 90s kids at the Blissdom 2014 #ThrowBackThursday Party!

The bonding that I found at that first Blissdom has stuck with me and grown. These are fellow moms and dads that I know were there for me anytime I need them.

Recently I had a reason to lean on this community more than I ever have before. The day we unexpectedly lost my Mama, some of the first and most heartfelt words I received were from my friends in the blogging and Blissdom community. They sent me personal messages emails and called me, all to show their support at such a difficult time in my life. In a few weeks time I will be cashing in on many promises of hugs and whiskey. This all from people who I only see once or twice a year.

My amazing Blissdom roommates, 2 years in a row!

Blissdom taught me that true friendships don’t have to follow a format.

Bonds can be formed with people you just met. They can be maintained with infrequent visits. They can grow with words shared only through blog posts, Twitter chats and Facebook messages.

It was a sad day last week when I learned that this year will be the very last Blissdom Canada Conference. However, I know that the community will live on and will continue to grow. There will be other events and opportunities to get together, laugh and share. I look forward to the future and all that it holds for this beautiful group of individuals I know as my friends.

Ideally speaking, everyone should have the opportunity to find people they connect with to this level and build lifelong bonds.

Are you thinking of coming to the very last Blissdom? 2015 promises to be the best Bliss ever! Register now and join us.

The post Lasting Friendships: Bonding at Blissdom appeared first on Ideally speaking....

Love her so much.

On Friday, July 31st, I got a call that I was not expecting to get for many, many years. I heard my my little brother’s voice as scared as I have ever heard him as he said, “we might have lost mom.” The paramedics and my amazing nurse sister-in-law, Karen, were working on her. A few minutes later, Karen called me back and asked if I was sitting down. My heart hit the floor. I started screaming and whaling. I was on the floor, crying so hard I nearly threw up in my husband’s hands. I can still remember every second of that earth shattering evening.

It still doesn’t make sense. It still doesn’t seem fair. She was just here for a visit, playing with the kids and acting like her typical self. It still doesn’t feel real. I sit here writing this trying to wrap my head around the fact that I can’t call her. I will never again hear her voice or feel her arms around me.

Somehow I have found the strength to not only get through this past week, but to manage and organize things as needed. I have described it to many people as a strange automatic get ‘er done mode that my brain switched into. However, now as I sit here this evening, with everything done and nothing but time to think, it is setting in. So here I am keeping busy again. Writing a blog post in her memory (I’m sure the first of many) to share my Mama through my eyes, with you.

Last Wednesday we scattered her ashes into the ocean off her favourite beach in PEI, where she lived. I now wear a little piece of her in a sealed locket around my neck, close to my heart. We also held a Celebration of Life gathering just yesterday in my home town of Mount Forest, ON. We filled a room with family, friends and even extended relatives from far away. It was beautiful. I put together a tribute video and a speech and wanted to share both of them on here now.

This is my tribute speech to my Mama, completely unedited and exactly as I read it yesterday. Below this is the tribute video.

Thank you all for letting me share her with you.

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I can’t begin to explain the shock of last Friday night. Everything happened so suddenly and it just doesn’t seem fair or real. I’ve learned over the past week that you are never ever prepared to say goodbye to a parent. It leaves an unbelievably painful hole in your heart.

Everyone keeps asking me how I’m doing, how the boys are doing, as people do in these situations. Bob and I were talking about it and agreed that we’re ok, when we keep busy. It’s those quiet moments that get us. A few minutes alone in the shower or sitting in our rooms. It starts to sink in and we start to remember mom. But as much as it hurts, we need to embrace it. We need to cherish her and remember her.

So that’s what I want to do today, but amongst the comfort of all our family and friends. I’m going to try to keep this light and funny, but I’m sure I’ll become a hot mess throughout many parts. So bare with me.

My beautiful Mama.

I think one of my first memories is sitting in my room, maybe 3 years old and mom telling me the names of the girls on my new wall hanging. It was the Little Women. She had such a passion in her voice telling me the story. To this day, that is my favourite book and my porcelain Jo doll that mom gave me sits on the desk in my study.

Mom passed so many things on to us, one of which was her love of reading. She always had so many books and made sure we did as well. It didn’t matter what kind of books we read, just that we read. With trips back and forth to our dad’s place in Burlington and camping each summer, we always had lots of opportunities to get lost in books. Now, I also think I inherited the bad habit of having 2 or 3 books on the go at the same time. In cleaning mom’s bedroom this past week, I can see she still had that habit.

Originally I hadn’t planned to write this. I was just going to get up here and put you all through the mess of me winging it. But I’m a writer. Another thing I got from mom. She wrote so much. In journals, on scraps of paper or even inside address books – which she had about 10 of and hardly used them for addresses. She would write out her memories, her opinions. She wrote poems and short stories. We’ve only begun to uncover it all in her belongings and I know Mark, Bob and I can’t wait to read more of her words.

Wearing my Mama’s dress to her Celebration of Life gathering.

Mom gave me her love of fashion. And maybe just a little bit of her shopping habit. She loved different fabrics, textures and patterns. She could remember nearly her entire wardrobe in her head. Not an easy task, seeing as though she had enough to clothe a small town. Often we would be out shopping and she would find something and say “oh I have those two tops that have this colour in the design!” She held onto her clothes. We’ve all chuckled at her expense over that and I am not really on to judge on that. But I’m so glad she did. The dress I am wearing today was hers. She had it in the late 70s early 80s and actually can be seen wearing it in photos when she was pregnant with Mark.

Mom kept her things. More than just clothes. She took great care of her belongings and cherished them. She taught us kids that it doesn’t mean anything to have the most expensive items. It’s about finding things that make you happy, taking care of them and being incredibly proud at the ability to purchase things you need or want. We were fairly poor growing up and didn’t have the same stuff as some other families or our friends had. But what we did have, we loved and valued. Today, mom has 3 grown kids who understand the need to work for the things that you want and that its ok to treat ourselves with things that will make us happy.

Music made mom happier than almost anything else. At the service in PEI at Mom & Jim’s church, the minister led in playing Let it Be. That was mom’s favourite song. She loved music and encouraged a love of music in us kids. We may not have had much growing up, but we always had something to enjoy music. Even if it was just a busted down old 8 track player from a garage sale. Both of my parents shared great music with us. I can remember a night in Kennilworth, right before Mom moved to PEI. I had loaded her iTunes with tons of music and we got completely drunk singing Beatles tunes at the top of our lungs.

Best Friends. Always.

Mom taught us the meaning of true friendships. She encouraged our friends to always hang around and loved to have a full house. And she stayed close to our friends. She was everyone’s best Facebook creeper. Mom was an expert at friendship. Anyone who doubts that needs to only look around this room. In going through her photos, we could see the lasting friendships that she has had. Some for more than 50 years. Mom taught us to value friendships by leading by example. And of course, by being our friend. In her words, she was a mother first and a friend second.

She was my best friend. Truly, honestly, my best friend. When I had something big happen, good or bad, she was the first call I would make. I couldn’t wait to share things with her. From a young age I knew I could talk her about anything. She always planned little things just for her and I. I can remember many nights when she would sneak me downstairs after everyone else has gone to bed. Sorry boys. And we would make popcorn, cuddle on the couch and watch a chick flick. We started in-house spa days when I was around 7. We would sit in our bathroom for hours, talking about school, boys, anything, while doing out hair and nails. Our last spa day was less than a month ago. I was taking a bath at my house and in true mom fashion, she marched right in and sat down on the counter. We talked for over an hour while we painted each other’s nails and went through all the beauty products in my bathroom that she was likely thinking about stealing. I can’t believe that memory was just a few weeks ago and now she’s gone.

Mom with the kids and I when Cole was born.

She leaves behind so much. Such a legacy. Probably the most important trait that mom passed onto us was how to be great parents. Not perfect parents, but ones who would love the hell out of our children, just as she did with us. She taught us to be loving, kind, open, supportive and so very playful. Her playful nature is one of the things I will miss the most. I would watch mom with Lilly over the years. She would pull the same stunts she did on us as kids. She would pinch Lilly’s behind and then say “what, it wasn’t me!” It was like getting a Birdseye view into my childhood. Even during her last visit just a few weeks ago, she was running around with the kids, playing hide and seek with Cole and getting right down on the ground to wrestle with him. She was an amazing mom, but also an incredible nana.

I feel like I have mourned two people this week. I have cried over the loss of my Mama, but I am also heartbroken for my children and my niece and nephews. They lost there Nana. While Lilly and Mavado will likely keep some memories, Atreyu, Cole and Robin will not really remember her. I broke down the other day thinking about how Cole will never get to experience Nana they way Lilly did and how they are all now missing her from their lives. Mark, Bob and I miss their Nana for them and I will tell them about her. She will live on through us and we will be strong enough to share her with them.

Out of everything that mom gave us, what we have relied on most this past week is her strength. She was such a strong women, even in moments when she was incredibly fragile. Many of you know that our little family has been through a lot. We faced a lot of darkness in our past, but mom was strong enough to see the brighter side and helped us to as well. In looking back at everything we faced as a family, mom always had the ability to push through her pain and still be the goofy, happy and sometimes annoyingly playful mother that she was. She was so strong for us. Mark said something to me earlier this week. He said “you ain’t a rock sweetie” and he’s right. I’m certainly the basket case this week out of us kids. But I was mom’s rock and she was mine. There is a line from a song that her and I used to listen to; “you got me, I got you, together we always pull through.” Mom may be gone, but we’ve still got her. We always will. And with the love and support of family and friends, we will pull through.

We love you mom.

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“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” ~ Zig Ziglar

Scene:

A young 22 year old women walks into a trendy looking software company and hands her resume to the President, who is only in her early 30s herself. Looking around the office, the 22 year old quickly picks up the fast-paced, yet fun environment of the company and instantly knows she wants to work here.

She nervously follows the President into the boardroom for her interview. The job is Marketing Coordinator and is exactly what the young women wants to do. She knows she lacks experience and knowledge of the industry, but she has to at least try. A few minutes in she realizes how down-to-earth the President is and relaxes a little bit.

President – Do you know what PPC is?

22 year old – Yes, because I Googled it before coming here. (she says with a smirk)

The 22 year old goes on to explain that unfortunately the post-secondary education is still behind in terms of teaching digital marketing and advertising, but that she is a fast learn and can adapt. The interview goes great and she is soon asked back to meet with the President again as well as the VP of Marketing and to bring her portfolio. That interview also goes well. She is called back once more for a final discussion with the President. She is honest and lets the 22 year old know that it has come down to her and one other candidate.

President – She has a lot more experience than you do, but you would be cheaper. (she says with a laugh)

22 year old – I get it. That’s business.

A week or so later the President gives her call to let her know that they have chosen the other candidate. However, she would like the 22 year old to keep an eye on their careers page over the next few months.

President – We’ll be posting jobs in several departments over the next little while and I would really like to have you as part of the team and get you in here.

A few months later, the 22 year old sees an entry position on the sales team and sends the President an email. She hears back quickly and basically gets a “great, you start Monday” type of response.

She goes onto work at the company for nearly 10 months before the weight of acquisition sets in and the US based parent company makes some changes. However, understanding that this is just business, she leaves on very good terms and stays friends with everyone.

The now 23 year old picks up a job the next day at a new start up direct selling company, as their Marketing Manager. She spends the next 5 years working her butt off to grow a new company, but sadly the company doesn’t make it. The day the news breaks, she calls her old boss, now the CEO of a new software company.

CEO – Hey, how’s it going?

28 year old – Well, my company is going insolvent.

CEO – That sucks!

28 year old – Yep. So…what do you have going on down there?

CEO – Come on in tomorrow and we’ll chat.

Less than a month later the 28 year old started at the new software company, working with a large chunk of the original team. It felt half like deja vu and half like she had never left. She was working as one of the members of the services team, doing digital marketing for end clients.

Fast forward over 2 and a half years and the Senior Marketing Manager position for the company has opened up. One specific Friday afternoon, the COO of the company sits her down and lets her know the position is hers. She spends the next 20 minutes a bit in shock before heading out for the weekend. She gets into her car and literally shouts “whooo hooo” at the top of her lungs.

It took nearly a decade, but she finally landed her dream job.

End scene.

My awesome boss lady and I. My mentor & someone I look up to so much. A bit embarrassing knowing she might read this, but it’s nothing I haven’t drunkenly said to her face ;)

I have learned many, many lessons in my short 31 years on this planet. One of the biggest is that you never burn a bridge and you never give up on going for what you want in life.

The last 4 months have been crazy. I have pulled longer hours, been on two business trips, and answered emails at 1 am. I have an incredibly messy house and a severely neglected blog But I have loved every minute. I am the Senior Marketing Manager for gShift, a fast growing SEO software company in the digital marketing space. There is so much potential in this position if I prove I want it and I am up for it. I do and I am. I feel challenged and excited every day and can’t wait to see how this chapter of my life plays out.

Ideally speaking, I am well on my way to reaching a position in my beloved marketing industry that begins with a letter or two

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