I had originally posted this article on an incredible site called Violence Unsilenced. It was a safe space for victims of abuse and sexual assault to share their voice. The site allowed victims to share their personal stories, anonymously or not, so that those stories could be used in the fight for the rights of victims and to raise awareness to the pain being inflicted every day.

The VU homepage.

Sadly, the site is no longer running. I had shared my story on there, openly, in a way that was more graphic than I ever had been on here. My hands were literally shaking when I hit the send button to submit my article and I cried when they called to say they wanted to run it the next day.

I had called my mom and dad to warn them it would be going up. I prepared myself for the anxiety that came with posting such great detail of my assault. However, once it was live, I felt empowered and strong.

With the site being down., I wanted to run my story here and now, on my own blog. I want to repost it because I think it is important to be outspoken and to shed light on a disgusting and traumatizing epidemic.

And so, here one part of my story:

Crys.

Once upon a time there was an idealistic little girl. Her parents had separated when she was 6 years old and her mother moved on with a new man. This man did everything he could to ruin the idealisms of this little girl and her two brothers for many years. He used his words, his fists, his strength & his authority to try to tear them down. This little girl was me and this one piece to my story.

Years passed and I started to change into an idealistic young lady. One fateful day when I was 12 years old, I came home to find that the house was empty for my stepfather and me.

I had been in the house alone with him many times before, but lately, I was growing more and more uncomfortable. It had started a few months prior, innocently enough. He would ask me to sit on the couch and watch TV with him.

He gradually began to ask me to lie down and cuddle with him. Caught somewhere between a little girl wanting to feel close to a father figure, and a young woman terrified to anger an abusive man, I obliged.

However, on this particular day, our cuddling took a turn that I would never be able to erase or brush off.

“Come lay with me,” he said. I began to walk over, quietly saying “okay.”

As I started to lie down in my usual spot beside him, he grabbed hold of my hips and lifted me onto his body. He held his arms tightly around my wrists with his hands resting on my lower back. My legs were left to dangle between his legs and my belly rested on his.

I could feel his arousal hard against my leg, although I barely registered what that meant at the time. He began rubbing my back and stared at me.

“Do you love me?” he asked. “Yes, of course,” I said. As mean, abusive and hurtful as he could be, he had been a father figure in my life for nearly 6 years and we had shared some happy memories as a family. He seemed pleased with my answer and rested for a moment.

Taking a deep breath and looking noticeably nervous, he looked up at me again and said, “Kiss me.” I leaned down and gave him a quick kiss, no different than I had done many nights at bedtime for many years.

He laughed lightly and said, “no, kiss me like you kiss your boyfriends.”

Not fully understanding, I leaned down and kissed him exactly as I had before and said, ‘that is how I kiss my boyfriends.’

This was true, since I had only had one or two boyfriends at this point and had only made it to holding hands and chicken peck kisses.

When he realized that I wouldn’t or couldn’t give him the kiss he wanted, he looked upset. Sensing and fearing a shift in his gentle approach, I quickly told him I had a lot of homework to finish and that I needed to get started.

He hugged me to him again, then pulled back and asked, “Do you still love me?” I said yes again. I didn’t want to anger him.

This level of confused intimacy, with gentle kisses and caressing, carried on for 3 years before I had him arrested for physical abuse. I didn’t told the police at the time about the sexual assault. It would take me 2 more years before I ever shared it with a few close friends and I was nearly 20 years old before sharing the details with my mother, father, and brothers, at the suggestion of a therapist.

Although the acts never escalated too much more than his arousal and some physical movement with clothes on, his kisses became more determined and he would hold me tighter against him. As I grew older, I became more aware of the inappropriate nature of these moments. I grew increasingly distant while it would take place, abandoning my body to fend for itself as my soul went somewhere better.

Looking back, I often wonder what he was taking from me saying that I still loved him. I still wonder if he would have pushed the sexual acts further if I had fought him off with more force and aggression. The fear of what could have happened & the memories of what did, cast a small shadow in my resilient idealistic nature.

At age 25, 10 years after having him arrested, I did finally give a statement to the police, when I heard his new girlfriend had just had another baby. It was too late for charges, but my statement is now on record, incase I ever need to be called in as a witness for someone else.

I haven’t spoken more than a dozen words to him since he was arrested. I wish I were brave enough to confront him. To tell him that he didn’t ruin my life. He overshadowed many good memories for nearly 10 years of my childhood, but I get the rest. I have a wonderful life and he is just a mean old bastard living in the same small town.

I win. I am happy. I am loved. I am endlessly idealistic.

The post Violence Unsilenced: Crys appeared first on Ideally speaking....

See a box, must climb the box.

Up until now, we have used Huggies Little Snugglers and Little Snugglers Post. I have always loved that variety for how soft the diapers feel and how cozy and snug they fit my little ones. I have always trusted them to provide excellent absorbency with incredible softness.

While we really haven’t had any leaks with our diapers until now, the fit isn’t quite holding up to Cole anymore. With running, climbing, jumping, bending, more climbing, I found I was often finding his diapers bunching up around his legs. It left him more uncomfortable and therefore, needing to be changed more often.

Always. Into. Everything.

I wanted to switch to a diaper that would keep up with him and move the way he moves. I knew that Huggies Little Movers Plus would be the best choice. These diapers are made from Huggies most absorbent diaper (other than Huggies Overnights, which we also swear by) and still offer an ultra soft, dry to the touch liner. They are also made with a soft, breathable outer cover, making them great for preventing diaper rashes. The feature I really love is the Double Grip Strips, which hold the stretchy waist band together in two places.

Translation – these diapers will move with my mini man, keep him dry and be soft against his little bottom. A winning combination in my books.

We crawl through the toys. Going around them would take too much time…

We used to buy our Huggies wherever we saw them on sale, but with both Huggies Little Snugglers Plus and Little Movers Plus now exclusively available at Costco, we have found a deal that can’t be beat. The case sizes are huge, meaning we have to buy diapers less frequently. Both diapers come in sizes 1-6 and feature adorable Mickey and Friends designs.

Disclosure: I am part of the Huggies Ambassador Campaign with Influence Central and I receive special perks as part of my affiliation with this group. The opinions on this blog are my own.

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Last weekend, we took Cole out for his first sleigh ride. He LOVED it. It was in the middle of us all battling the worst of our colds and I thought a bit of fresh air would do us good. I can’t wait to take him out on this again. Lilly was such a good big sister, holding on to her baby brother the whole time.

Loved seeing the smiles on both their faces during this.

This past weekend, I finally got around to some crafting that I’ve had on my list for ages. I wanted something unique to use as the coasters for me newly redesigned study/home office. When I spotted DIY scrabble tile coasters on Pinterest, I knew they were perfect for that space. I am a total word and book nerd and that whole room reflects that. This craft was super quick. It is literally just small square tiles from the home reno store and a sharpie. That’s it.

Scrabble tile coasters for the wordy nerd in me ;)

I had also promised Lilly that her and I would master some homemade sushi on Sunday. It’s been a long while since I’ve made my own sushi, but it turned out well! Honestly, it’s not very hard to do, just time consuming.

Homemade smoked salmon, avocado and cucumber rolls. Yum.

The post Wordless Wednesday: Sled rides, crafting and homemade sushi. appeared first on Ideally speaking....

Kisses through the playpen. So adorable it hurts.

When I was pregnant with Lilly I started a wonderful baby book. I included photos of my ultrasounds, updates on my pregnancy, and tons of pictures after she was born. sadly, I haven’t kept it up the way I’d hoped. And while I have purchased a scrapbook and some supplies for Colton, I have yet to start anything… And he’s eight months old.

I started this blog because I love the idea of having a digital space to put everything about Lillys life. When I got pregnant with Cole, this site became a space for both of their lives. And while I love sharing the beauty of parenthood with my audience, sometimes I wish there was a way to share more detail with just our close family and friends.

When I heard about the Timewyse Locket app, it sounded right up my alley. This beautifully designed mobile app uses photos, videos, text and voice memos to build the perfect digital baby book. The memories can then be viewed in the app, on a e-timeline through a web browser or you can even have a photo book printed.

The welcome screen on the app has a lovely design and is so easy to navigate.

If I can’t think of something to share at the time, the app even prompts me with ideas of moments and facts to share with questions such as these:

• “Take a photo of Cole with his favourite toy.”
• “Take a photo of Cole’s hands and parent(s) hands together.”
• “Record Lilly saying the alphabet.”
• “Take a picture of Lilly with the family pet(s).”

I’ve set up accounts for both Lilly and Colton and have gone back a few months to really get a great feel for the ability of the app to give a full timeline. What I love about this app is that is combines all of my favourite media types into one place. I can write little updates like I do here on the blog. I can share photos and videos like I do on Instagram and Facebook. Plus I can share short voice memos, which are a nice change since they allow me to really convey excitement, love and other emotions in my voice.

Lilly’s e-Timeline from Locket.

I’ve started to share the links to Lilly and Cole’s e-timeline with close family and friends, but I also can’t wait to share it with them when they are older. Lilly already gets so pumped to listen to the voice notes or watch videos of her and her brother…I may be growing a mini blogger here…

Locket lets you:

• Add, delete, edit and reshoot audio, video and photo with simple
• touches
• Be prompted to capture different moments with our Quse Technology
• Keep loved ones in the loop with a personalized and secure e-timelines
• and digital photo frames that are updated in real time
• Purchase an auto-curated photo album with a single click
• Capture both the big and small details in your child’s life
• Feel reassured that the best of the best will not be forgotten

I had a chance to meet some of the Locket team at the BabyTime Show in Toronto where they had a few of the books on display. They are incredible quality…and kind of put my messy scrapbook to shame. While I know I will eventually get to a bit of scrapbooking too, I do love that this app gives me the ability to create memory books for my children that I can add to at any time, from anywhere. Using my smartphone to add moments to share and build their timeline from the palm of my hand is extremely convenient. I know that this is something I can upkeep much easier and can’t wait to see how their first round of printed books turn out!

I’m thinking these beautiful Timewyse Locket books will also make ideal gifts for grandparents…

Disclosure: I am part of the Timewyse Locket blogger program with Mom Central and I receive special perks as part of my affiliation with this group. The opinions on this blog are my own. 

The post Capture Family Moments with Life Locket App. appeared first on Ideally speaking....

I would have felt like the WORST mother ever if I didn’t bring her. The major added bonus was that her and I got a rare day to just us girls. Cole stayed home with Daddy and Lilly became my self-proclaimed “media assistant.”

Me and my perfectly adorable media assistant.

Can you tell she’s super pumped to meet the ponies? Seeing her this excited made my week.

Wee Urban. This has been a favourite of mine for years. I have so much of their stuff!

The owner of Bug In A Rug was kind enough to sign her book for Lilly while we stocked up on NibblyBits.

I picked up one a Polar Piece for Cole. They were too cute to pass up.

I fell in LOVE with these adorable Diaper Wallets. So incredibly stylish!

The post Wordless Wednesday: My Adorable Media Assistant appeared first on Ideally speaking....

The holiday season is right around the corner. As a busy mom of two now, and my return to work in just a few weeks, I wanted to get a head start on some of my Christmas crafting. We have a very large front entrance at our home. For the past two years we have been here, I have tried to think of more we can do to decorate out there for the holidays. I wanted something that greets the friends and family that visit. I figured a bit of candy could be just the thing.

I give you, the easy DIY Christmas candy holder!

Like every other pinning crafter on the planet, I LOVE mason jars. There is just something sweet and rustic about them and it lent the perfect amount of charm to this project. This Christmas candy holder took me only about an hour total to make and costs under $10 for the materials.

What you need:

• Plaque or large scrap piece of wood – Personally, if I’d had barn board, I think that would take this to a whole new level
• A couple mason jars – I went with two for this plaque size, but you could go larger with more jars
• Twine
• Spray Paint
• Paint Pen – I prefer to use paint pens for better precision when it’s for wording
• Pencil
• Drill
• Stickers or something similar for decoration if desired
• Holiday candy

I started out with painting the plaque. I used spray paint for the sake of time. Busy baby and all. I only did one coat so that some of the wood grain would show through. Once it had dried, I marked out where I wanted to hang the mason jars and drilled two holes. Make sure the holes are large enough to fit two pieces of twine through.

In order to really get the wording to look the way I wanted, I did it out using an app on my iPad first. That way I could use it as a guide on the actual plaque. I started by writing it out with pencil. I highly recommend having a light coloured eraser on hand, since you don’t want eraser marks left on the board.

I then used my paint pen, or in this case, nail art pen…it’s the only red I had on hand. I carefully went over my pencil writing. Depending on how thick you want the wording, you may have to go over it two or three times. I had some very pretty snowflake stickers left over from last year’s Christmas crafting and added a few to give it a little bling.

Next I moved onto the mason jars. I cut long pieces of twine and wrapped it around the top. I tied it on either side. Then added another piece and did the same, finishing the second tie on the opposite side. This gave me two pieces of twine on either side of the jars. I took the pieces of twine on the front of each side and pulled it through the holes. I then knotted those pieces to the remaining pieces of twine on either side at the back of the plaque.

Getting the jars to hang at the same height is the tricky part. Once I had the plaque up on the wall, I had to loosen or tighten the knots accordingly to get the jars hanging evenly on both sides and with each other.

All that’s left to do after that is add candy and enjoy! I added candy canes for now, but will switch it up with other holiday treats over the season.

Ideally speaking, I will be able to keep the four year old away from it before all the candy canes go missing…

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6 month stats!

As always, Lilly got in on the photo shoot. #SiblingLove

To celebrate the occasion, I did a bit of a different photo that the typical monthly shoot that we usually do. Cole has an adorable little red bow tie and we have one red cloth diaper. It made for the perfect combination.

6 Months & Perfect!

Of course, there were some out takes in order to get this shot…

Cutest. Pout. Ever.

The post #WordlessWednesday: 6 months old already!? appeared first on Ideally speaking....

Cole has been a different story all together. While he has slept good stretches from the beginning, getting him to sleep takes a lot of extra time. He’s just a little more high maintenance, which became very obvious during his colicky days...

The smart minds over at Disney Baby have developed a list of helpful DO’s and DON’Ts for putting your little one down for a good night’s sleep. I also basically have to do the majority of the bedtime routine to get him down for his two naps as well. Right now, I am likely still breaking about half of the rules listed below, but we are getting there. Just this week, we have cut the rocking time in half and started to let him settle on his own. And while it has been tempting to just let him nap in his swing over the last few weeks, I have persevered and finally gotten him into napping properly in his crib.

My favourite trick on this list is the story time. Both my kids have always responded well to books. It’s our secret weapon. I don’t read a book before Cole’s naps, but he won’t settle without one at bedtime. He has his favourite already and smiles as soon as he sees the cover. I’m raising little book lovers over here

After you’ve had a chance to read over the bedtime tips, be sure to check out a link to the Magical Moments Contest from Disney Baby and Today’s Parent. Also, I am giving away a Disney Baby prize pack to one lucky reader!

SAYING GOOD NIGHT:

DO’S AND DON’TS WHEN PUTTING BABY TO BED

It’s tiring being a mom and, at the end of a long day, putting baby to bed can seem overwhelming. Getting a baby to sleep peacefully through the night is one of the biggest challenges of early parenthood. To help you navigate this often difficult task, Disney Baby has put together a list of bedtime do’s and don’ts – because when your baby gets a good night’s sleep, the whole house is happier!

There are some common mistakes that parents make when it comes to soothing baby to sleep. When it is time to put your little one down for a rest:

DON’T: Extend night-time feeding

As long as they are healthy, babies stop requiring night feeds somewhere between 4 and 6 months. Continuing late-night feedings beyond this age makes it difficult for babies to learn to pacify themselves and to get back to sleep all on their own.

DON’T: Rely on rocking

While gentle rocking can be very soothing for your baby, try not to rely on rocking to send them off to the land of nod. Babies can quickly become reliant on motion, and may soon find it difficult to get to sleep without it. Of course a little drive or a walk around with mom and dad is sometimes necessary, but try not to make it a part of your regular routine.

DON’T: Change your schedule

Stick to your guns! Teaching your little one good sleep habits is hard (and exhausting!), but you’ll be much more successful if baby knows what’s in store. A bedtime routine is important for both of you – whether it’s a warm bath and a snuggle (try this inflatable tub for a quick, safe splash), or a song and a story, it’s easier for both of you to transition if you know what to expect.

Fortunately, there are some easy steps you can take to make bedtime a little easier:

DO: Set the mood

Like you, your baby needs a peaceful and relaxing place to sleep. Dim the lights to establish a calm environment, and try to create some soothing background noise. Many babies find the hum of a fan calming and sound-making toys like this Simba Dreamy Sounds Soother can also help comfort baby to sleep. This Mickey Mouse SoftPal Night Light is another great way to provide safety and comfort, and is especially useful for late-night check-ins.

DO: Tuck them in

When babies are very small, swaddling is a great way to calm them down, making them feel safe and secure. Plus, it helps to ensure that they won’t be disturbed during sleep by their startle-reflex. If your little ones are slightly older, trying giving them a cozy blanket, like this Winnie the Pooh one. It will keep them warm and cozy, and also give them a way to soothe themselves.

DO: Tell a tale

Reading to your baby before bed is great for so many reasons: it creates some quiet time to cuddle and bond, and helps relax your little one after a day of excitement. What’s more, hearing you read every night exposes your baby to new words, which can only be good news as he continues to grow and learn. Disney Baby has a great selection of stories to help you out, including this adorable book of nursery rhymes.

Disney Baby will be hosting a month-long Magical Moments photo contest in partnership with Today’s Parent. The contest is open until October 19th, so get your entry in today! There are some amazing prizes to be won, including a $500 Target gift card!
To enter, simply visit the contest page and follow the three step process:

1. Upload a photo of you and your baby showing your Disney spirit
2. Enter your contact information
3. Submit!

Also, I am giving away a $65 prize pack from Disney Baby! This adorable pack includes everything listed below. Personally, I am completely in love with the Sulley night light. It is so soft and innovative. Lilly absolutely adores hers.

• A Monster’s Inc. SoftPal night light, featuring the lovely Sulley
• A set of Minnie Mouse orthodontic bottles
• A Minnie Mouse learner cup (for ages 6+)
• A set of Minnie Mouse natural shape orthodontic pacifiers

The post #DisneyBabyCA: The Dos and Don’ts of Baby’s Bedtime appeared first on Ideally speaking....

Much to my surprise, the jeans fit! It feels great to start to wear some of my favourite closet items again.

1 of only 2 pairs of designer jeans I own. So excited to get back into them!

Last week was our 8th anniversary. Having a new baby at home, we opted to stay in and have our favourite take out.

Sushi!

And just because I love showing them off, here are some pics of the kids from this week.

So much personality is showing through more and more each day.

There is NEVER such thing as too much accessorizing.

The post #WordlessWednesday: Post Partum Progress appeared first on Ideally speaking....

That bow tie. It’s not right to be this cute.

My little man was all dressed up for his Uncle Ethan’s wedding. Ethan and Neeko had a beautiful outdoor ceremony.

Perfect weather for a beautiful day.

The kids and I all dressed up. This doesn’t happen often.

Posing with the happy couple.

No better dance partner than Daddy.

Later in the night, I overheard an adorable conversation between Lilly & Adam during the father daughter dance. I snapped a pic to capture the memory.

Adam: “One day you & I will dance like that”

Lilly: “Right now!”

Adam: “You have to find someone to marry first.”

Lilly: “You!!”

#DaddysGirl

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