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Talking With My Toddler #10: Bad Daddy!


Lilly: “Come Mommy. We put our babies to bed!” (takes off to go locate the baby that has been designated as mine from the living room)

*few seconds later*

Lilly: (sounding distraught) “HEY! Get off Mommy’s baby. Bad Daddy!”

*I walk over to see my toddler giving my husband one hell of a death stare. He’s in it good this time.*

Mommy: “What happened honey?”

Lilly: (frantically pointing at the underside of my husband, who is apparently laying on a doll on the couch)

Daddy: “I’m a bad Daddy?!” (he looks kinda genuinely hurt by this comment)

*I’m totally laughing at him. No I’m not because that would be cruel. (yes I am)*

Lilly: “Yes, your a bad Daddy! You’re a monster!”

*Whoa. Um, that’s a little harsh from a toddler…*

Daddy: “Grrrrrrr….” (getting off the couch, lifting his hands in the air and chasing after her, making ‘monster’ noises)

Lilly: (takes off running, giggling and knowing she has said the magic word.)

*Bedtime for the babies has been forgotten, for now*

Disclaimer: No baby dolls where harmed in the making of this blog post…. err, except this one. Who after being rescued from under my husbands butt, was then promptly dropped on the floor by my toddler.

Surprisingly, this sturdy 20 year old doll has withstood far worse, I’m sure.

Fun fact: this is my original Water Baby that was given to me when I was 8 or so. I recently passed it onto Lilly. She loves it.

*Read more of my little musings with my monkey with the rest of my Talking With My Toddler posts.

Talking With My Toddler #9: Cuddle Withdrawl


It has been over 72 since I last picked up my toddler. Three whole days since I have really felt her in my arms. This has been incredibly difficult because I have a very cuddly kid.

Back story – I started feeling a lump in my abdomen early last spring. Numerous visits to the doctor and one ultrasound later and they finally thought they had figured it out. There was a tug of war between whether it was a hernia or a lipoma. Either way it was minor and fixable. I just wanted to know. I finally got referred to a surgeon, who decided she was sure it was a lipoma.

So we scheduled the outpatient procedure to have it removed this past Tuesday. All was going well…until she couldn’t really find it. She had to explore more area and go deeper (multiple freezing needles later) only to realize, it is in fact, a hernia. Awesome.

Normally a full hernia surgery would be a bigger deal. Maybe some time in the hospital and definitely some time off work. However, this hernia was small, having only affected one layer of my abdominal wall. So since I was already laying there, open and frozen, the surgeon decided she could do a small repair that should take care of it.

Post-surgery selfie. That little wound is deeper than it looks!

On one hand, I am grateful it wasn’t a bigger deal. She did a great job and I have absolute confidence in her decision. On the other hand, I am a planner and I really wish I had been better prepared for a more invasive surgery.

One of the saddest parts of having this be full blown hernia repair is that I am not allowed to lift anything or have anything heavy on my stomach for at least a week or two. This is a tough one to explain to my 2.5 year old daughter…

Lilly: “I get you baba Mommy” (referring to the glass of water I left on the counter)

Mommy: “That’s ok sweetie. I’m good right now

Lilly: “You no need it? You no need your water?”

Mommy: “Not right now honey. But thank you. You know what I do need?!” (grabbing her hand to pull her towards the couch) “You!

Lilly:  “You need me?!

Daddy: “Hugs are the best medicine!

Lilly: (stepping beside the couch, frowning and dropping her head on my shoulder) “I miss you Mommy. I miss cuddling wit you.

*And right there my freaking heart breaks. I look over at my husband and feel a tear fall down my face.*

Mommy: “I know baby. I’m really sorry. I miss cuddling with you too. So much.

Lilly: (looking hopeful, as if her plea magically healed my incision…) “I lay on your belly now Mommy?

Mommy: “No honey, you still can’t lay on my belly. But we can still cuddle and watch a movie.

And so we found a compromise.

Comfortably nestled in the crooks of my knees, using my legs as the perfect arm rest.
She was very careful of Mommy’s “bobo”
Ideally speaking, I will be able to swoop my little monkey up into my arms again very soon.  Until then, I think she has found a decent runner up spot.

Note – As emotional as this has been, I can’t help feeling that some good will come of it. Lilly tends to be very dependent on me over Daddy. From talking to other mamas, I know this is pretty common. If I am not home, she is perfectly fine to have Daddy do everything. But when Mama is an option, Mama is the choice. This week, with a reluctance and a few tears, Daddy got her dressed and put her to bed. He sang all the right songs and said all the right things. It helped her to see that Daddy and Mommy love her equally and can equally take care of her.

*Read more of my little musings with my monkey with the rest of my Talking With My Toddler posts.

Talking With My Toddler #8


Let me take a moment to brag about how well potty-training our toddler has gone for us overall. We have been very lucky when I compare stories to some of my friends. Lilly grasped the concept fairly quickly and has had few mistakes.

That all being said, she is still in a pull-up for nap time and a regular diaper at night. When I put her in her pull-up, or “diaper underwear” as she calls them, I remind her to try not to go to the bathroom in them. Once she’s asleep, whatever happens will happen and that is totally cool.

However, when she spends her entire nap reading books and talking with her babies in her room, WIDE AWAKE for 2 hours, there is really no excuse. If she is awake, she knows she should use the potty…

Mommy: (sitting quietly on the couch, taking a moment & watching a movie, when I hear her door open) “Lilly? Go back to your room please.

Lilly: “I poo-pooed my diaper underwear, Mommy

Mommy: (ugh, awesome) “Oh Lilly. You did?

Lilly: “Yeah. You change my bum please?

*At least she asked nicely this time. There have been times where ‘change my bum’ was barked at us as an order.

Mommy: (taking her to her room to grab a fresh pull-up and get her cleaned) “Lilly, where are you supposed to go poo?

Lilly: “The poddy.

Mommy: “That’s right. You were awake when you went poo, so you should have told Mommy, and gone in the potty. You’re a big girl honey. You know better.” (adding, with a smile) “Mommy doesn’t exactly like having to clean your bum, you know.

Lilly: (looking at me with a genuine shocked expression) “No?!

Mommy: (trying not to laugh at her surprise) “Well, no honey. I would rather you use the potty.

*Seriously?! Yes child, because nothing brings me more pleasure in life than to wipe your ass. 

Lilly: (having come to a realization, stands up with her clean bum and hugs me) “I sorry Mommy.

Mommy: “That’s ok honey. Just next time come and tell Mommy and I will help you on the potty.

Years from now, when this monster has grown up to have babies of her own, I will be able to show her this post and ask her if changing diapers is her life’s passion. Ideally speaking, she will find the same humour I did during this conversation ;)

*Read more of my funny little musings with my monkey with the rest of my Talking With My Toddler posts.

Talking With My Toddler #7

In awe of the tree & Santa’s deliveries on Christmas morning.

New Years day we said goodbye to our dear friend, the Christmas Tree. I tackle this depressing task every year on New Years, slightly hungover and tired from 3-4 straight weeks of festivities.

Normally, this task is done quietly, with very little distraction. Well, now that we a walking, talking, negotiating toddler, things are very different.

Lilly made it clear that she wasn’t quite ready to put away the Christmas Tree and had some very compelling arguments as to why it should stay right where it is.

Mommy: “Well honey lets put on a movie and take down the Christmas tree.”

Lilly: “Look, there is it!”

Mommy: “I know, but we have to take it down now.”

Lilly: “But Mommy, it’s heavy!”

Mommy: (laughing) “Well, yes it is. But we can manage. Do you think it’s lighter if we take off the decorations?”

Lilly: “No. It’s very heavy. We can’t do it.”

Mommy: “Hmm. Well do you think the tree has to stay up all the time?”

Lilly: “Yes,” (very matter-of-factly. Then adding dreaded puppy eyes,) “Please mommy.”

Mommy: (with my heart breaking just a little) “Oh sweetie. I’m sorry but we do have to put it away. Christmas is all done. But we will do it all over again next year, ok?”

Lilly: “Ok Mommy.”

And with that, we began taking off the decorations. I heard “let me help” 15 times, while I tried to explain how careful we had to be with the ornaments, but we got the job done.

As nice as it is to have our home back in normal order, I do feel a loss for the bit of magic that Christmas decorations bring to a home. I already can’t wait for the chaos to start again next year, when Lilly will be older and even more into the spirit of the season.

*Read more of my funny little musings with my monkey with the rest of my Talking With My Toddler posts.

Talking With My Toddler #6

This is her “Um, I dunno. He’s gone Mommy!” face. 

Oh the holidays. A time for giving. A time for love. A time for an insane amount of time spent shoved in a car with our toddler.

Today we are on our way to my in-laws family dinner. It is always one of my favourite gatherings of the holidays. No one can put on a meal quite like a family of farmers. Plus there is a rubber chicken involved….I’ll have to post Instagram photos to explain that one….

One thing I do love about driving with Lilly, is that it really gives her an uninterrupted time to explore her imagination. We hit the highway and she turned into a very creative backseat driver…

Lilly: “Mommy!! Go faster! Drive faster!

Mommy: (little confused, especially since I’m not even driving) “Go faster? Why do we need to go faster?

Lilly: “The monster is coming! Faster Daddy, faster!

Mommy: “A monster? Oh no! Are you going to protect us?!

Lilly: “Yeah. But go faster!

Mommy: “Thank you for protecting us. But honey we can’t go faster. There are cars in front of us and we don’t want to get in trouble.

Lilly: “The monster is coming!!” (She is very insistent on this point) “You go faster now!

Mommy: “Honey can you show me the monster? Where is he?

Lilly: (looking around) “Um, I dunno. Oh, he’s gone Mommy.

Yeah, that’s what I thought. So we won’t be breaking any speed limits today to avoid the grasps of monsters. We are safe for now.

Although we may have a monster on our hands of this little lady doesn’t get some sleep on the way down. Oh the holidays!

Read more of my funny little musings with my monkey with the rest of my Talking With My Toddler posts. 

Talking With My Toddler #5

toddler christmas morning, toddler at christmas tree, parenting, family,
She might say she just wants Mommy for Christmas…but last year she
seemed pretty happy about actual presents ;)

Disclaimer: I didn’t actually have this conversation with my toddler. My daycare provider did. But then she promptly texted me the whole thing so that I could revel is the pure sweetness of Lilly’s confession.

This technically should be placed under Adventures in Daycare, but it’s more of a quick chat versus full blog post. I simply needed somewhere that I could commemorate this adorable exchange.

I also need date stamped proof of this loving declaration when she is 16 and says she hates me.


Daycare Mama: “Lilly, what do you want for Christmas?

Lilly: “My Mommy.

Daycare Mama: “Ok, but what toys are you asking Santa for?

Lilly: “Nothing. Just my Mommy for Christmas.


This made me both smile and shed a few tears. I like to joke about how much she is a Daddy’s girl, and she is. But we both also know, I am as much her world as she is mine.

Now, I feel the need to point out that when we actually met Santa this past weekend, she asked him for a reindeer. A “big reindeer” to be specific. A reindeer?!

That shit is so not happening.

If she persists on the reindeer business, I may have to draft my own trucker-mouth riddled letter to Santa like Nicole from Moms Who Drink & Swear.

Ideally speaking,  I will always be her perfect gift. God knows, she is the best one I have ever received.

Read more of my funny little musings with my monkey with the rest of my Talking With My Toddler posts.

Talking With My Toddler #4

My toddler is just at that perfect age for testing her limits. Sometimes she does the exact opposite of what I tell her, specifically to drive me mental. She’s 2. I understand this is normal. I also understand it will likely get far worse before it ever gets better.

The other night, while picking her up from daycare, she decided to bolt down the driveway and towards the road.

Being the typical toddler mom, I screamed her name at the top of my lungs, like a banshee for the whole neighbourhood to hear. She stopped dead in her tracks.

I had won!

Right. As I approached her to put her in the car, she giggled and took off running away down the sidewalk. You know what’s NOT fun to do? Chase a running toddler on snow & ice covered sidewalks.

When I finally caught her and walk her back to the car, I decided that it was the perfect opportunity for a chat. She has never run away outside of our house before and this is not an activity I’d like to repeat often, if at all.

Me: “Lilly, listen to me. When you run away like that, you make Mommy very nervous.

Lilly: (eyes wide with shock) “NERVOUS?!?” (she asks in this completely surprised and worried tone.)

*I am nearly positive that my child has no idea what the word nervous means.

Me: “Yes, nervous. It means you made Mommy scared.

Lilly: (still looking wide-eyed) “Why u nervous, Mommy?

Me: (really?!) “Um, because you ran away from me Lilly.

Lilly: (once again shocked as I buckle her into her seat) “I ran away from you?!

*It’s like we didn’t even live the same last 5 minutes.

Me: (giving her my best ‘Really, kid?’ look)

Lilly: “Who catched me?

Me: (hanging my head. done.) “I did Lilly. I caught you. Please don’t do it again.

Lilly: “I ran away and made Mommy nervous. Then Mommy catched me. Mommy still nervous…

*I’m not quite sure she is even talking to me at this point anymore. I bow out of the backseat and shut the door. As I open the driver door, she is still talking to me/herself, delivering a play-by-play of our encounter and entire talk. She’s using this tone that makes her sound like a toddler news anchor and I can’t help but smile. She cracks me up.

I guess I should be happy that she was stating it all out loud and seemed to be processing the situation and talk. As we got home, she explained to Daddy that she ran away, Mommy catched her and Mommy is nervous.

Ideally speaking, I won’t ever have to chase her down the street again. But I know better. She has a lot of me in her. I am doomed.

Read more of my funny little musings with my monkey with the rest of my Talking With My Toddler posts.

Talking With My Toddler #3

toddler, daddy's girl, daddy daughter, cute,
You know the man is whipped when he lets the girl take a whole piece
of ham off his plate…

I have tried to warn my husband, several times, that our precious little lady has him increasingly wrapped around her finger. I have begun to think that he is completely A-OK with this.

He recently admitted to her that she can “Do no wrong when you say ‘I love you Daddy'”. I knew he was done for with that one.

This weekend, she proved just how Daddy’s Girl whipped he really is…

Lilly: “I love you mommy.” (with kisses during morning cuddle time. so sweet)

Mommy: “I love you too honey. What about Daddy?

Lilly: (looking over at Adam with a smirk) “I love Mommy!

Daddy: (putting on his best hurt face) “You don’t love me?

Lilly: “No, I love Mommy!

*This is where she leans over, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugs me. All the while, looking back over her shoulder to make sure her Daddy is watching. She’s going to sharpen this skill over the next 13 years and use it to break some hearts. I am sure of it.*

Mommy: “Honey, if you’re not nice to Daddy, he might not make you breakfast…

Daddy: “That’s right. I guess I won’t make breakfast, put on your shows or make your chocolate milk.

Lilly: (staring down Adam) “Daddy, go make me breakfast!

Mommy: “Oh Lilly. That’s no way to talk to Daddy.

Lilly: (softening her gaze at Adam and pulling out the Daddy’s Girl voice) “Please, Daddy? I love you.

And just like that the man is out of bed and headed for the kitchen. As if he completely forgot about her trampling on his heart a mere 5 seconds prior.

Ideally, I need to learn to harness this power she has over him… Mama wants an Xbox with Kinect ;)

Funny kid, eh? Check out the rest of the Talking With My Toddler posts.