– Read all Talking With My Toddler posts here. –

But right around that time, we went from one kid to two and I quickly understood why moms lower their output expectations once they are outnumbered.

Here’s the thing though. I now feel terrible I haven’t blogged as much of Cole’s life as I did Lilly’s. I know it’s normal. Kind of like completing a baby book, or getting the nursery decorated before their first birthday. The odds of completion drastically decrease with each kid.

Well, it’s time I give this little guy his portion of the spotlight!

Cole had initially been slower to talk, but we have seen huge improvement in the last 8 months. He has always been very talkative and clearly had a great vocabulary, but no one could understand him except me. He officially started speech therapy last summer, which we opted to move forward with, since he still struggles with pronunciation. Plus, everyone told me it’s better to be proactive. I’d rather be working ahead on developing his speech now, than risk him struggling when he starts school.

Fast forward to now and he is mostly understood by many people around him. He occasionally still needs his Cole-to-English translator (me), but he can hold his own quite well. It’s been incredible to see his funny personality come alive.

I foresee many, many humorous additions in this round of Talking With My Toddler. For starters, I think he works the word penis into at least one conversation per day. More on that in the future

For this edition, I thought I would start off sweet. For out of all the things Cole has learned to say, this one is the most important. Last week, he and I had a little conversation in the car on our way back from speech therapy.

I mean, it is really hard to kick him out of bed when he’s this damn cute.

Prior info needed – Since December, I can almost count on one hand the number of times he has slept in his own bed all night. We thought it started as teething, then it was a cold, then more teeth and now? Well, who the hell knows. Either way, he starts off in his bed and winds up in ours hours later. So I decided to ask him why.

Me: “Hey, listen bubba, I wanted to ask you a question.”

Cole: “A keston?”

Me: “Yes, a question. Where are you supposed to sleep at night?”

Cole: “In my liten queen big boy bed” (Translation – Lightening McQueen bed, because we’re kick ass parents.)

Me: “That’s right. In your big boy bed. So bub, why have you been crawling into bed with mom and dad?”

Cole: (being sure to lock eyes with me in the rear view mirror to really drive home the melt…) “Because I miss mommy and daddy. I wuv mommy and daddy.”

He said this last line with such a sweet, sincere and almost sad tone. Tears immediately hit my eyes and I had to hold them back so I didn’t really upset him. Cole has said “I love you” in response to having it said to him, but this was the very first time he had said it on his own initiative and he used the right context.

Me: “Oh baby. We love you too. I love you so much.”

Cole: “I wuv you too much!” (his typical excited response to that statement)

With this conversation, he effectively melted away whatever parenting concerns I had about him crawling into bed with us. Once I repeated the chat to Adam, it did the same for him. I know the issue of independence and co sleeping can divide parents into one of two camps, but frankly, I don’t care. At this point, we are neither for or against it. Our toddler wants to cuddle for the last half of the night because he loves us. That’s all the information we need.

That being said, ideally speaking, he will grow out of his before he’s 18, or it might be a bit awkward. 

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We met at Lowville Park. It was nice and central to where we were staying that weekend and is a beautiful space with so much to see and do. Little did Veronika know when she picked the location, this park also holds a special place in my heart. This is where my older brother and I went to summer day camp, where I had my first overnight camp and where my Dad would often stop for a break when driving us back up to Mom’s after our weekends with him. My family growing up has spent lots of time at Lowville Park and now my own family has made memories there as well.

Veronika has always had an amazing eye. When we were in college, she took some of the most beautiful photos I had ever seen. She also knows me incredibly well, so I knew she would instinctively capture my family in our most pure and honest form.

The results makes me heart melt. These photos display our family smiling, goofing off and chasing after our sometimes (most of the time) uncooperative little man. I couldn’t have asked for more beautiful images.

Without further ado, our 2015 family photoshoot.

The money shot. This will be the one for on top of the mantel :)

Cole wasn’t in the best of moods. It had been raining, was a bit cold and we had ripped him off of a very appealing playground at this park. Thank goodness Veronika had brought some props. This pumpkin was a mood changer for our little guy.

“Real question here mom, I can eat this right?”

Daddy’s Girl.

She sure loves her Daddy.

Veronika had wanted to take a few shots of us laying on a blanket. Given Cole’s track record for cooperation, I wasn’t sure this was going to work.

Of course Lilly and Adam had some great shots.

And we did manage to get one of all 4 of us, smiling together…

…but really this is a FAR more accurate photo to describe our family. NOTE: Cole wandering around in the background…

Little man leading the charge, like always.

He’s getting so big!

Our beautiful little lady.

“I’ll race you Mama!”

Partners in crime. Always.

Our little family.

Kids? What kids? Getting some lovin from my man We have a 2012 version of this photo too with us and Lilly.

Our beautiful boy.

Mama’s Boy.

Oh the pumpkin! Oh the wind! Oh the hair!

“Let’s take one with me and fall stuff!”

Just the girls :)

Lastly, I asked Veronika to shoot a specific pose of Lilly and I. There was a photo of my Mama and I in my mind and I wanted to recreate it. I can’t help the tears that flow every time I look at this comparison. Once again, I wish they had internet in heaven, so Mama could see this too.

Like Mama, like daughter. Miss you Mama <3

A big massive thank you again to my dear friend, Veronika. Words can’t fully articulate how much I love these photos.

Ideally speaking, we will always find the time, once every year or so, to take a few moments and capture our family in a way completely and fully us.

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One little boy, so many big smiles.

To say that I headed into my second maternity leave with my wildly idealistic hat on, would be a massive understatement. While I understand that every baby is different, I very much had the memories of my daughter in mind. She was very easy baby. As such, I made great plans for myself to do things like building my blog, working a few hours for the office, finishing up areas of the house I’ve been neglecting for nearly 2 years and overall enjoy my summer off with the kids. One word tossed a major wrench into my best laid plans.

Colic.

Let me preface this entire post by saying that I have a very happy baby. Colton has an incredible smile. Just see the photo above for evidence. When he’s having a good day, I get a lot of these smiles. Thank God for that. Thinking about his smiles is what has gotten me through some of the worst colic fits we’ve faced.

Baby smiles equal sanity.

I remember when I was pregnant with Lilly, so many people had warned with stories of their colicky babies. I was terrified. During our birth classes, when they asked what scared us most about becoming parents, the top of my list was having a colicky baby. With Lilly turning out to be such as easy baby, I was very ill prepared for Cole.

The first 3-4 weeks were ok. We had what felt like the typical new baby. He was definitely a fussier newborn than Lilly, but hey, every baby is different. I do recall my mom saying that she thought he had a “touch of colic” but I completely didn’t see it…yet.

By 5-6 weeks, we were living in a very different household. The crying fits completely outweighed the content or sleeping times. He would scream for hours at a time, no matter what we did. We would have to trade off as much as possible to keep calm. On days when Lilly was home from preschool, she watched much more TV than we normally allow, so I could focus on keeping Cole as happy as possible.

Eventually, Cole and I seemed to come to an agreement to establish some peace. All he asked for was that I didn’t dare sit down. Or stop moving. Or stop singing. Or stop bouncing as I walked. I had days where I literally walked around my living room for 6-7 hours over the course of the day. It was exhausting.

I actually remember forming an ad in my head:

Free to lend to a good home, one baby treadmill/trainer. This trainer is sure to whip you into shape with undeniable motivation. Better than any personal trainer, you will find yourself walking further than you ever thought before. Rather than motivational cheering, this baby trainer uses a high pitched screeching sound to make you move. At times, simple walking will no longer cut it and you will have to add a bounce to every step, to make your workout more challenging!

Between Cole’s mood swings and my rigorous exclusive pumping schedule, I basically felt like a shut-in. I even had close friends comment when they saw me that I didn’t seem like myself. I wasn’t. I felt like a worn out prisoner of my own home. I became an even more terrible friend – because lets face it, all parents are – and a non-existent blogger. My laundry fell behind, my house was a bigger disaster than usual and I honestly don’t even remember how food got on the table most days.

I wanted to go out more, but felt guilty. I wanted to go running, but couldn’t find the strength. I wanted to drink, but…oh wait, I did pour a sanity-saving weak bourbon once in a while.

Yesterday, Colton turned 5 months old. While it has gotten significantly better, we are not out of the woods completely. He still has days where he fights sleep and acts like a bear. He has also started to put up a big fight at bedtime. But generally, we can make it through most days with very few tears. It very much feels like we have one toe into the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am far from an expert on colic. We are only JUST coming through the other side of it and I know our baby was mild compared to many cases. However, I thought I would share a few tips that helped us survive with (some) sanity intact.

Tips for Surviving Colic

1. Let people know what’s going on. The first step is to let your supports know that it’s a bit tougher than expected. When you have a colicky baby, the phrase “it takes a village” has never been more true. Baby may not settle for anyone else, but it’s amazing what a little adult conversation can do for your mental well being when you are pacing for an hour with a fussy baby. Friends and family can do everything from bringing you coffee, to helping your 3 year old wash her hands while you deal with baby.
2. Take turns with the baby. If possible, trade off with your partner or someone else every 15-20 minutes during a bad fit. There is only so much high pitched screaming you can take and a small breather can help recharge you for round two. I know as moms we can have a hard time delegating when it comes to a new baby, but don’t be afraid to tag a fellow team mate into the ring to fight the good fight. This is one I had to remind myself constantly and sometimes still do. It might seem easier to do it all myself, but if I get worked up more, so will the baby. Take a break, keep your cool and everyone will benefit.
3. Find what works and keep doing it. Warning: what “works” might change. Every. Single. Day. Like much of parenting, it is complete trial and error. However, you just might strike gold and be rewarded with peace and quiet. For us, it was the above mentioned walking. Cole would remain pretty content, as long as I walked/bounced and sang. Sometimes all at once. For 2 hours straight. It was tiring at times, but it was manageable and it was much better than hours of screaming.
4. Sleep, sleep and more sleep. This sounds nearly impossible when you have a newborn, and I will be honest that I don’t always heed my own words on this one. In the early weeks, I did nap or at least rest, a bit during the day. You have to turn off the guilt that reminds you of unfolded laundry and just take a break. A bit of extra rest or shut eye can help so much with your stress level, not to mention your breast milk production (another common new baby stress) and overall health.
5. Take care of you, so you can take care of baby. This is true for all parents and goes hand in hand with #4. Hydrate, rest, eat well, snack often and when possible, soak in a hot tub for 15 minutes. These little things help you to feel human again at a time when nothing else does.
6. Try to get out of the house. This one is one of the hardest tips on this list. When things were at their worst, the idea of leaving the house and being away from everything I might need was terrifying. However, you can’t live afraid to leave your home. Even if it is simply to run an errand to the grocery store, stepping out of the house can be a very relieving feeling. If you happen to have a baby that loves to sleep in the car, this can be a big win-win tactic.

Again, I am no expert, but we have managed to get through the worst of it with the lessons learned above. Have you survived a baby with colic? Currently living through it? Share what has worked/is working for you in the comments below.

Ideally speaking, babies would have evolved passed this crying nonsense and colic would be a thing of the past

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Well it’s official. I’ve hit my 30s. As of 2 weeks ago, I can no longer say I’m in my 20s. While that fact is a little hard to swallow, it went down easier than I expected. Age is just a number after all.

On the Friday before my birthday, I posted on Facebook and asked if there’s anything special I should do to celebrate the going out of my 20s. One friend had a really great suggestion to make a list of everything that I’ve accomplished in my life up until this point. Then to sit back look at that list and feel proud. Another friend commented right after that stating that she smelt a blog post coming on. I couldn’t agree more.

So here it goes, a list of everything that I’ve done with my first 30 years of life.

At age 6 I had my first story published. Granted it was just in the Mount Forest Public School yearbook, but I do recall my teachers telling my mom but a grade one student never been published in the yearbook previously. It was sometime around that point that I knew I wanted to be a writer.

Sometime in the third grade I wrote my first song. I’m sure it was terrible. But hey, I wrote a song at age 8.

At age 12 I joined the school paper. This was a very proud moment for me, because they had never had a writer from the junior high grades. Our school paper was a two page spread in the town’s paper. Which meant at age 12, I was published in the town paper. I went on to have an article published in nearly every biweekly edition of that paper for the following 7 years.

At age 14 I sought out therapy and counseling for the first time in my life. I did so without my parents knowledge. I was overcoming and still living in an abusive household with my ex-stepfather. I felt mature enough to make the decision to get help on my own. So proud of that.

At age 15 I finally fully stood up to that ex-stepfather. After he left the house one evening, I handed the phone to my mother, and sat beside her. Together we called the cops and made the initial steps to regain our lives.

At age 16, I became editor of the school’s paper and became an intern for the town’s paper itself. I also became president of our schools chapter of Ontario Students Against Impaired Driving and joined the local chapter of MADD, as their first ever student member. I had actually continued working with MADD actively until Lilly was born. I will get back into it again when the kids are a bit older.

At age 17, in grade 11, I was given the Ontario Principal Award for Student Leadership. This is an award that is only supposed to be given to graduating students, which I was not. My principal felt that my involvement in the school was worthy of the award early.

By age 18 I had met my soul mate. I know it’s not all that common for many people to meet the love of their life in high school, but I did. I knew what I had and I was not letting go of that man. Being together at such a young age was tough. Staying together through all the changes of our early 20s was even harder. But we look at each other now and I know we both know it was worth it.

Teenagers in love. One year into dating.

At age 19 I graduated high school and got the heck out of Mount Forest. I’m counting this is an accomplishment because for me it was a long time coming. It’s nice to go back now and visit with friends and family, but that town signified a place that unfortunately had a lot of bad memories for me, and I couldn’t wait to get out.

Also at age 19, I fully came to terms with what had happened to me as a young girl. I finally admitted the acts of molestation to my immediate family and went back into therapy to deal with it. I count this as an accomplishment because it took a hell of a lot of courage.

In my first year of college there was a leadership convention at our campus. One student from every course was selected to be able to attend the convention. I was selected as the one student in my program. It was an incredible convention. Something I’ll never forget.

At age 20, the summer between my two years of college, I traveled with Free The Children and Leaders Today (now Me To We) to Kenya for a month. There, I taught English to students in the morning and helped to build them a new school in the afternoons. It was honestly one of the most life altering experiences I’ve ever had.

Relaxing at recess with a few of the school kids.

At age 21, I graduated college as one of the top students in my entire program. This was a big accomplishment, because as involved as I was in high school, my grades were terrible. I just didn’t care. However, getting away from that town and learning about something I was interested in, made all the difference. It showed me that I was more than smart enough, as long as I applied myself.

At age 22, I married my best friend. We were young. We were the first of our friends to get married. It was a big step, but it was the right step. Right before we got married, we also bought our first home. That was nerve wracking, but really solidified that feeling of being an adult and starting the next chapter of life.

Our Wedding Day!

At 23, I started working for a small, environmentally friendly start-up as their sole employee. The 5 years that followed were grueling, but honestly, I did things to help launch that company that I never thought I could do. I learned more than I ever could have imagined.

At age 24, upon learning that my ex-stepfather had a daughter with his new wife, I went to the police with my whole story for the first time. I still remember how much I was shaking while giving my statement. When we had him arrested nearly 10 years prior, I had only admitted to the abusive nature of his discipline style. I kept the molestation to myself for years. The cops took my statement and approached him. It was the first and only time he has been confronted on it. The officer that confronted him told me that he cried like “someone who had their hand caught in the cookie jar. He acted like a guilty man.”  I don’t need to pursue it further, but from that point he officially knew that I had not forgotten what he did to me and I never will.

At the tender age of 25, I became the Federal Riding President for the Simcoe North NDP. I was overwhelmed and scared crapless…but I did it! I held onto my presidency until just this past fall. With baby #2 on the way, it was time to hand over the reigns. Being that involved in politics is something I will continue to do. I want my children to see that involvement.

Meeting Jack Layton in Halifax, summer 2009.

At age 26, I had the biggest accomplishment of my life. I became a mother. I brought a human life into the world. I remember being utterly terrified going into labour and then just feeling like it was so natural and as if it was something I was always meant to do. The following few months were a learning curve as a parent, but I have an incredible 3 year old little girl who is smart, witty and so full of life. I still look at her completely awe struck and think, “holy crap, I made that.”

So tiny and so perfect.

At age 27, after nearly 8 years of writing/marketing only for the corporate world, I started this blog. It may not seem like a big accomplishment, but it was a move to help me reclaim my voice and ultimately avoid writer’s burn out. I blog about everything and refuse to choose a niche. This is my space, for me and I have worked hard to slowly build it over the past 2.5 years.

At age 29, I was published in Canadian Family Magazine. This one was HUGE. Being published in a national magazine was on the unwritten bucket list. I still carry a copy of that magazine with me every. single. day. in my computer bag. I can’t miss an opportunity to show someone my name in national print!

I truly hope to have more of this in my future.

Also at age 29, I enrolled in university. This has been challenging only because I found out I was pregnant a week after the course started. Doing a very self-motivated based course when your body wants to sleep at 7pm can be tough. I’ve had to get an extension, but I will be wrapping it up in the next 6 weeks before our little man arrives.

Now, at age 30, I am about to have become a mother for the 2nd time. We have faced some big ups and downs with this pregnancy and it has been trying, but I know it is all completely worth it. I can’t wait to meet our son in just a few short weeks and grow our family.

Growing our family!

Here’s to the next 30 years. Ideally speaking, they will be filled with even more accomplishments and happy memories.

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10 years from now I will be the mother of a full-blown teenage girl. That’s a little terrifying. In preparation for that, I decided I should sit down and write a note to my future self. You see, 10 years ago I was still a teenager myself. As of tomorrow I can no longer say that. I figured I should get some of these thoughts down before I get older, more mature, and likely to future Lilly’s displeasure, more realistic.

I wanted to get these thoughts down before I forget what it was like to be a dramatic, dreaming, starry eyed teenage girl.

————————————————————–

Dear Crystal of 39 years old,

Congratulations! You’re the proud owner of a teenage girl. If she survived this long, and you still have all your hair, then you’ve done something right.

Some of the things were about to go over have likely already started to occur, but as I well remember they only get worse.

Right now I can tell you that our daughter is just like us. Even at 3.5 years old, she acts just like us, talks just like us and argues just like us. We have a full-blown mini me with all of our personality and attitude. This means that you are likely in for a long next 6 or so years of your life, to be filled with tons of drama, tears, and God knows how many boyfriends.

Try to be as patient as you can. Try to be understanding. Try to ensure that Adam hasn’t changed his views on owning a long gun.

On the first kiss:

This happened for us at 12, so I might be a little late on this one, but I figured it still worth mentioning. Remember how that first kiss made us feel like we can do anything in life. Like it opened up some grand door into adulthood. Obviously it didn’t, but you couldn’t tell us that at the time. Remember how when we told mom about that kiss, she gushed along with us like a more mature version of one of our girlfriends. That was a great feeling. It left the door open to approach mom about any of that kind of stuff going forward. My goal for us to be just like that. When Lilly tells you about her first kiss, remain calm and remember that it’s just a kiss. But it could be much more to her in the emotional sense. Try not to dampen that in anyway.

On the first unattainable great love:

Remember what it felt like to be 100% batcrap crazy obsessed over some celebrity…or senior class president was 6 years older than us… How we were SURE you were going to meet him, marry him & live happily ever after. Remember that it hurt if adults made us feel silly for any of that. Sure, we realize it’s unrealistic and dramatic now, but we believed it with all our heart at 13 years old. In fact, if we’re being honest, we probably still feel that way about Leo Dicaprio now…

On the first attainable great love:

Ok, this one could suck the worst for many reasons. For starters, the first time she really, truly falls for someone may not be a mutual experience. Try to remember that at the time, it really feels like there was no worse thing in the world than wanting someone who doesn’t want you back. Now we are mothers and we understand there are FAR worse things in the world…like watching your daughter go through it. She may fall for someone and it is mutual. This can be even harder if/when it doesn’t work out. Which leads into the next point…

On her first real heartbreak:

For a teenage girl, the first real heartbreak is crippling. Honestly, heartbreak at any age can be devastating, but there is nothing quite like that first one. Try not to minimize it, but understand it the best you can. Keep in mind that some of the most irritating phrases we heard while going through our first break up were “you’re young, you’ll get over it” or “don’t worry they’ll be other fish in the sea”. While that might all be true, all it did was serve to make us feel silly. As if we didn’t really have a good solid reason for feeling heartbreak and pain. But we know we did and so does she.

On her hating us:

Lilly is a lot like us, just as we are a lot like mom. This can make for some incredibly intense wars that I’m sure have only become even more *fun* as she’s gotten older. At 3.5 years old, she has already told us that she’s “not my friend anymore” on multiple occasions. I can only imagine that we have likely heard that horrible H word by now. I’m not looking forward to that. Remember it doesn’t last. There were times we said it to mom and we know in our hearts we never, ever meant it.

On her choices for hair, clothing, etc:

We lucked out. We have a great mom who let us be as unique as we wanted to be, while still teaching us self respect and ensuring that we maintained self confidence. I truly hope that we can be the same kind of mom for Lilly. Clothes are just clothes and hair is just hair. Let her experiment with her personal style and be who she wants to be. Teach her that no one can ever make her feel insecure about herself.

On sharing our own experiences:

Let’s not be afraid to share our own experiences with Lilly. Including our mistakes. While I understand it can be nerve wracking to show her our lesser perfect side, be honest with her. She shouldn’t see us as perfect because we’re not. There are lessons that we have learned that she certainly benefit from. That being said, we should share our mistakes, while knowing that she will inevitably still make her own.

Always listen to her deeply. There are days she won’t want to talk to us at all, so don’t take it for granted.

Always ask her how her day was and absorb as much detail as she’ll give.

Always tell her she is beautiful, smart and kind. She will never hear those words enough.

There is so much more we could go over, but I think this gives you a good place to start. The bottom line is that you need to make sure that we have a good balance between teaching her reality, but giving her feelings and experiences the credibility and weight that they deserve. To us, some of the more dramatic moments might seem silly as hell, but to her they are very real. Our job is to help her navigate them and help her mature into the beautiful women that I already see in her at 3 years old.

Ideally speaking, we will be able to do this with minimal therapy costs for either of us

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