Today I got pissed on. I only wish I was speaking metaphorically.

I have a beautiful daughter. The type of adorable little angel that waves at people, smiles her nearly toothy grin to make people laugh and loves to cuddle. She gives big sloppy kisses to her father and I (and the talking hippo app on my iPhone…) and is genuinely a terrific, chilled out little sweetheart.

Today, that little sweetheart, pissed all over me.
Now I would love to proclaim that this is the first time I have endured baby pee, but let’s be honest, she’ll be one this week. If I had made it this long without being peed on, I’m sure I’d be hailed as a messiah among mothers everywhere. However, I haven’t been peed on since she was about 3 months old! Even when it did happen, it was while I had her on the change table, when I first took off the diaper. Totally acceptable.
Today was a different story. I was all out of diapers in her room, so our live-in Manny (my darling little bro who’s staying with us) ran downstairs to grab some. Lilly, being the great little mobile monkey that she is, decided she would take this opportunity to stand up on her change table and hug Mama. She even did the whole lock her arms around my neck and lay her head down. I thought it was pretty sweet.
Then I hear a little sound, like a small stream of water, and I’m thinking, “What…The Hell…Is THAT?” She had literally waited until she was standing up against me to pee all over the place. I’m talking down my front, onto the floor, all over her and the change table. A friggin mess.
The best part? She looks down at her foot, then gives me this look. Like it’s MY fault her foot is wet! Then she starts fussing, because apparently she doesn’t like the way her foot feels. Well no shit kid! You peed on it!!
So naturally I holler at my other half, who is laughing and telling Lilly good work for ‘peeing on MumMum!’ and tell him to do something useful like run some water in the tub so we can get cleaned up.  He was still snickering as he walked away. That’s fine. Karma’s a bitch. Maybe she’ll crap on him J
So where do I go from here? No where. This is part of baby making, as disgusting as it may get. There are 100 other things she does each day that simply rock my world.
Maybe we’ll get lucky, evolution will kick in and humans will be born fully potty-trained! Now wouldn’t that be just be ideal!

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